


The Return Policy

by castielrisingabove



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Accidental Bonding, Asexual Castiel (Supernatural), Dean Cas Big Bang 2018, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Incubus Dean Winchester, M/M, Mutual Pining, Witch Castiel, minor dub con (but nothing happens)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-04
Updated: 2018-10-04
Packaged: 2019-07-24 16:09:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 32,550
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16178543
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/castielrisingabove/pseuds/castielrisingabove
Summary: What's the worst spell an asexual witch like Castiel could cast? Turns out it's the kind that gets him accidentally bonded to an incubus named Dean. Now, Castiel's stuck on a road trip with a sex demon companion as the unlikely pair search for another way to break the bond.





	1. Road Trip With a Naked Demon

**Author's Note:**

> Shout out to my fantastic beta and tireless cheerleader, @soluscheese, who has 100% made this possible. 
> 
> Art was provided by the lovely [dreamsfromthebunker](https://dreamsfromthebunker.tumblr.com/post/178643431585/the-return-policy-art) and you can check out their awesome work for this story by clicking the link!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter includes art! Check it out [here](https://dreamsfromthebunker.tumblr.com/post/178643431585/the-return-policy-art)

“Let me get this straight,” Gabriel’s voice crackled over speakerphone, his voice uncharacteristically _big brotherish_. Castiel was surprised, if anyone was going to tease him in this situation, it should have been Gabriel. But maybe the fact Castiel had abandoned his coven without warning and started driving down the coastline injected a vein of austerity to the situation. “You’ve gotten yourself bound to a succubus?”

The naked man who sat in the passenger seat piped up grumpily. “Those definitions are outdated. Just because I sleep with men doesn’t make me any less of an incubus.”

Now, a naked man sitting shotgun in Castiel’s Lincoln Continental would have been strange enough, but this particular naked man also sported a set of large, sharp horns...and even sharper teeth. His eyes even glowed green in the darkness. Normally, this was something Castiel would have made copious research notes on, but the insurmountable deadline hovering over the both of them put a damper on the academic curiosity.

After all, Castiel hadn’t _meant_ to summon an incubus. This shouldn’t have happened, he specialized in ancient spells. In fact, Castiel’s prowess with dead languages and cultures was what helped put his coven on the map. Witches from all over the world sent Castiel magical artifacts to translate, and this particularly unfortunate spell, scrawled on an aged strip of vellum, had seemed fairly innocuous. It wasn’t _his_ fault he hadn’t picked up on ancient innuendo….some things really could get lost in translation.

“I thought it was going to summon fruit,” Castiel said wearily. His head was beginning to throb. The bright headlights along the road weren’t doing him any favors, and it had started to rain, meaning the light illuminated off the reflective road paint. The Washington coast was fun that way.

It was another comment that ought to have warranted merciless mockery, but Gabriel’s voice was tense. “Instead, you get _that creature_.”

“Hey!” the man, who’d been slumped in his seat, sat up, indignant. “ _That creature_ has a name. It’s Dean.”

“Fine,” Gabriel shot back icily, “Instead, you get that _Dean_. Although giving it--”

“--him,” Dean interjected.

“A name,” Gabriel completely ignored Dean, “Doesn’t change the fact he’s going to kill you.”

Dean glared at the phone, his lips curling into a snarl. For the first time, Dean looked less like an Adonis and more like a monster. It was a reminder of just how dangerous Dean ( _the incubus_ , Castiel tried to remind himself. Gabriel was right, there was little use in personifying him) could be. “I don’t _kill_ people,” Dean growled. “I feed off their energy.”

“Sounds pretty murdery to me.” Of all the times for Gabriel’s voice to take on some of his characteristic snark, this was not particularly ideal. Then again, Gabriel was always the first to turn to humor in tense situations. This was, evidently, no exception.

“Hey, other incubi might keep feeding until someone’s dead, but I resist that urge,” Dean continued hotly, “There’s no point in killing them, especially not when I have fresh snacks practically lined up to have sex with me.” He paused, then added with an evil grin, “The only person I’ve killed was an abusive husband in the 17th century...and I definitely didn’t kill him through sexual intercourse.”

“Great. My brother’s driving with an _actual_ murderer,” Gabriel said. “I swear, Cassie, this is the stupidest thing I think you’ve ever--”

Castiel turned the phone off, unwilling to listen to another lecture from his brother. He needed to save battery, anyway. He’d left home in a hurry, scarcely enough time to pack a couple pairs of clothes, and he’d almost certainly forgotten the phone charger in the process. Castiel hadn’t exactly been thinking clearly when he’d driven away with Dean. The whole thing was a blur.

All he’d done was recite the incantation in his favorite test spot: an abandoned building close to his magic shop. Dean had appeared, naked and horny. Somewhere along the line, Castiel had realized what Dean was trying to do and Dean had discovered Castiel wanted no part in it. And when both of them panicked (had they both really panicked? What did a centuries old demon have to panic about anyway?) the next thing Castiel remembered was dashing past Hannah, another member of his coven, as he hastily stuffed a backpack with necessities before leaving the house and hitting the road, naked demon in tow.

“You know, I don’t think your brother’s half bad,” Dean mused, stretching one leg up against the dashboard. “Sounds like he’s got a sense of humor once in a while, unlike _mine_.”

It took everything in Castiel to keep his eyes on the road. “Couldn’t you have put on the boxers I gave you?” he asked weakly, resisting the temptation (once again) to pull off onto the nearest exit that advertised a motel. He was exhausted, a sensation that seemed to compound every time something went wrong.

“Dude, I’m not going to wear another guy’s boxers. That’s gross,” Dean replied, disgusted. “If you were a chick offering me her panties, on the other hand…” he waggled his eyebrows, his eyes sparkling mischievously as Castiel made a face. “Not that it matters right now,” Dean added, “My penis craves the open air.”

Castiel rolled his eyes. “You’ll have to wear clothes eventually, you know.”

“I know,” Dean grumbled, sinking back into his seat.

They drove in silence for a while. Intellectually, Castiel knew there should be a lot to discuss. Where exactly they were going, for one thing. And a backup plan in case their current plan to get unbonded didn’t work. And why Castiel wasn’t attracted to Dean to begin with.

Admittedly, Castiel’s asexuality probably had something to do with that.

At least, it had explained why he’d never been sexually attracted to anyone before. Which hadn’t been so troublesome in the past, probably because all his other partners had been human. Aside from April, an awful girl from his freshman year of college, Castiel’s other partners had been relatively nice about it. Balthazar had told him he had enough sexuality for the both of them, and Hannah had remained Castiel’s friend even after breaking things off.

Still, it came as quite the surprise to discover that this same asexuality appeared to keep Castiel from feeling what Dean referred to as ‘the most irresistible sort of horniness,’ a power that all incubi had, but Dean had supposedly honed. It was the sort of magic that made it easy for incubi to feed on the sexual energies of their prey, but seemed to be rendered useless by Castiel’s lack of attraction.

Unfortunately, the spell Castiel had cast didn’t just summon an incubus. It bound an incubus to him, only to be released after they’d engaged in intercourse. Hence the absurd, panicked road trip to...well, Castiel wasn’t even sure quite where. Dean had given him three options: have sex, travel to some unknown point to get unbound, or be stuck with Dean forever. And Castiel wasn’t exactly a fan of being bound to an obnoxious, albeit attractive, naked man.

“Pull over on this exit,” Dean’s command tugged Castiel out of his drowsy reverie. He may or may not have jerked the wheel too sharply, but thankfully by now, the rain had stopped and so had the constant stream of cars. Dean grunted as he slid against the car door, but Castiel quickly righted the car as they sped down the exit ramp. “Okay,” Dean said as they stopped, “Now turn right.”

“Where are we going?” Castiel asked, also wondering _how_ Dean knew how to navigate the coastline of Washington. Although, based on the street signs pointing to Astoria, they’d just managed to cross into the Northern-most tip of Oregon. Castiel groaned. In his exhausted state, he’d managed to start driving west, not north.

“That motel,” Dean grunted, pointing at a brightly lit neon sign nearby.

“What? Why?”

“No better place to sleep with a guy than a late night stop at a remote motel,” Dean smirked. He rolled his eyes when Castiel frowned. “Kidding. Sheesh. It’s mostly because your driving has gotten downright terrifying and I’m pretty sure it’s because humans need to sleep.”

“I’m doing just fine!”

“You almost ran us off the road _three times_ in the last fifteen minutes,” Dean retorted, “And I’m not particularly interested in figuring out if a demon like me could survive a car crash, thank you very much.”

Castiel couldn’t really argue with that logic. He heaved a sigh, pulling into the nearly empty parking lot of the motel. Judging by the peeling paint on the outside of the building, this clearly wasn’t a well-visited location. He stretched his legs as he pulled the key from the ignition, breathing in the crisp November air as he opened the door. The neon sign flickered as Castiel walked out of the car, most letters cutting out to leave only the solitary “O” hovering above him. “Nice,” Dean said, cracking his door open to step out, “Looks like you’re an angel with that halo.”

“Dean,” Castiel grumbled, “What did I tell you about being in public naked?”

“Dude, it’s three in the morning,” Dean whined, “I don’t think this even counts as public anymore.”

Castiel took a long, deep breath. He’d expected to be fast asleep by this point in the night, probably after an uneventful day, capped off by a calm evening alone with a good book and a cup of herbal tea. Dealing with an incubus was the furthest thing from enjoyable. He narrowed his eyes at Dean. “Either put on the boxers I gave you, or wait in the car.”

Dean glared back, but stepped back into the car nonetheless.

The solitude was nice, although Castiel had to ignore a strange, internal draw back to the car. Back to Dean. He grimaced, soldiering on. There was no reason for him to bring Dean along to the front desk. At best, Dean would be a boxer-clad distraction, at worst...well. Castiel didn’t want to think about that.

The further away from Dean Castiel went, the harder it seemed to move, until it felt like he was dragging himself through chest-deep snow. He pushed the door to the entryway open, drinking in the sight of decades old carpet and the smell of must and cigarette smoke. Castiel coughed. The front desk was empty, which was nice, given the fact Castiel probably looked like he was moving in slow motion. It felt as though a rubber band had been strung between him and the demon and pulled taut, threatening to snap at any moment.

Castiel gripped the edges of the front desk just in case. It felt oddly sticky. He frowned, peeling one hand from the browned plastic siding to ring a small bell, which echoed through the silent room. He rang it a second time for good measure. A young man stumbled out of a back room, the blearly look in his eye meaning he had probably been woken by Castiel’s call. Castiel only felt a little bad about this, as the pulling sensation still present and unpleasant.

The young man rubbed his eyes. “What do you want?” he mumbled groggily. He’d likely been asleep somewhere, if his nametag (Bryan) was any indication, as it was pinned upside down to his shirt.

“A room,” Castiel said quickly, “Two beds.” At the request, he felt himself relax some. Perhaps the bond knew it wouldn’t be long before he and Dean were back in the same space. Castiel sighed, tentatively removing one hand from the mysteriously sticky counter as Bryan began typing something into a nearby computer. Castiel yawned widely, the exhaustion starting to catch up to him.

“Sorry, dude,” the employee said, catching Castiel mid-yawn as he looked up from his computer, “There’s only single beds available now.”

Castiel rubbed his temples. The draw to Dean might have faded, but the headache was still in full force. He did not want to see Dean’s expression when he announced there would only be one bed, but the thought of trying to find another motel at this hour was exhausting. “That works fine,” he mumbled, running a hand through his hair.

Bryan nodded, working to complete the transaction as Castiel handed over his credit card. He looked up to hand Castiel an old key (Castiel was begrudgingly impressed that the motel had resisted the trend of electronic locks) when the other man’s jaw dropped. “Not another crazy,” he muttered, staring at a point past Castiel.

Castiel slowly turned to see Dean, naked, pressed against the window, his horns clearly visible in the flickering neon lights. In the darkness, Dean’s horns looked less intimidating, although that could also have something to do with his exposed penis taking center stage. Castiel groaned. No wonder the pull had faded. Castiel rubbed his temples, turning back to the desk to find Bryan on an old landline. Great. The last thing they needed at this hour was trouble. Castiel reached out to stop him, grabbing the curled black phone cord. “He’s with me,” he said, fumbling for an excuse, “He sleepwalks...I thought I could be fast enough to get the room without any trouble, but stopping the car must have somewhat roused him…”

Dean looked entirely too alert for the ruse to work, but thankfully, Bryan seemed too tired to care. “Just get him in the room,” he said, shoving the key into Castiel’s hand. “ _Quickly_.”

Castiel didn’t need telling twice, snatching his wallet and key and racing out the door to grab Dean’s arm. “What the _hell_ did I tell you about staying in the car?” he hissed, pulling Dean along with him to their room, #2. Thankfully, they were on the first floor, so there weren’t any stairs to be climbed with Dean in his state.

“Oooo, kinky,” Dean waggled his eyebrows as he submitted, “I can do being bossed around.”

“Shut it,” Castiel groaned, unlocking the room and pushing Dean in without even bothering to turn on the lights. He slammed the door before fumbling for a light switch. The light illuminated the room. The decorator had opted for a black and white theme, and it looked like they were trapped in a chess-board. Black and white squares covered _everything_ . The walls, the table, even the duvet cover. A cover which, Castiel remembered too late, belonged to only _one_ bed.

“Ohhhh,” Dean grinned, “Were you just shy? Wanted to bang it out far away from family? If it was that, we could have at _least_ gone somewhere nice.” He sprawled out on the bed, looking up at Castiel seductively. “Ready when you are.”

“Enough of the jokes,” Castiel snapped, flopping onto a small armchair. “I’m tired for this now.” He would have preferred the bed, obviously, but the armchair would have to work. Unsurprisingly, it had not escaped the checkered decor. The chair also smelled slightly like cat urine, which wasn’t entirely reassuring, but Castiel was too exhausted to care. He closed his eyes, a useless attempt to fall asleep, and heard the bed creak.

He looked up to see Dean’s penis dangling in front of him. Castiel resisted the urge to slap it away. Dean squatted, ending up at eye level with Castiel. His eyes still glowed slightly. “You okay, dude?”

“I’m tired,” Castiel mumbled into the arm of the chair, trying not to think about the cat urine. “And I already told you that I don’t want sex.”

“But I’m _hungry_ ,” Dean whined, “And sex is _literally_ my food.”

“Then go bang someone else!” Castiel snapped. Between his exhaustion, stress and throbbing headache, his patience had worn thin. “It’s a motel, I’m sure you’ll find someone to hold you over until we find the cure tomorrow.”

Dean looked slightly hurt by this, which was absolutely ridiculous given the fact they weren’t friends. They were barely acquaintances. Castiel closed his eyes again. It wasn’t his job to spare the feelings of a demon who existed solely to devour his sexual energies. They’d find a solution tomorrow, that’s what Dean promised, and while he might be slightly hungry after the adventure, Castiel was sure Dean would have no problem finding someone else to sleep with after being unbound from Castiel.

Thankfully, Dean dropped the issue. In fact, Castiel could hear Dean walking away. Castiel exhaled slowly; Dean had seemed to give up, at least for the time being. Now all that was left was to try to get some rest. Castiel had no idea how long they’d be on the road, or, for that matter, what exactly would happen when they made it to their destination. The demon hadn’t been particularly forthcoming about the unbonding events. With these thoughts, Castiel fell into a fitful sleep.

At some point in the night, Castiel felt strong arms around him, and the odd sensation of being lifted from the armchair. He mumbled something, brain not awake enough to assert coherent statements, and he felt Dean huff against his head. “I’m not a total monster, you know,” Dean whispered, setting Castiel onto the soft surface of the motel bed. Dean carefully placing the covers over him was all Castiel remembered as he drifted back to sleep, this time deep and dreamless.


	2. Dang, it's Not a Bang

As Dean paced the musty motel room, he reviewed the events that had lead him to this moment. In all his years of feeding, Dean could safely say he’d never met  _ anyone _ like Castiel--and Dean had been feeding for centuries. He’d slept with peasants, army generals, kings and queens, and once, an entire court. Dean had managed summonings, of course, but he’d also done plenty of feeding on his own. He’d travelled the globe a million times over, tasted exotic human foods, seen their incredible architectural wonders, and feasted on  _ the most fantastic sex imaginable _ . Dean would have safely said he’d done it all. 

And then there was Castiel.

At first blush, it seemed like a fantastic set-up. Castiel was a gifted summoner, that much was clear in the power he wielded, and  _ hot damn _ , in person he put almost everyone Dean had slept with to shame. Castiel was well-built, with a thick head of dark hair and striking blue eyes. Oh lord, Dean was in for a good time, if the intensity in Castiel’s gaze meant anything.

Well, it  _ did _ mean something...just not what Dean was expecting.

Since he had been summoned, Dean felt it safe to assume he knew exactly what Castiel’s intentions were. Smirking confidently, Dean made his way to Castiel and swept him into the sort of kiss that would put fairy tales to shame. It really was a glorious kiss, too, Dean had done everything right, but Castiel didn’t kiss back. In fact, Castiel pushed away, something that, in all Dean’s time feeding, had never happened. Once out of Dean’s grasp, Castiel stumbled backwards, nearly falling over, but righting himself with a skill that made Dean drool internally. It didn’t bode well for Dean, however, when Castiel balled his hands into fists and his blue eyes narrowed into a cold glare.

“What the  _ hell _ are you doing?” Castiel shouted, and  _ oh god _ , it wasn’t fair that his voice was so rough and deep. 

“What you’ve summoned me here to do,” Dean replied, trying to keep his voice seductive. Maybe it was some sort of game, an odd form of foreplay. Strange, sure, but Castiel was attractive enough that Dean was open to anything.

“Which is?"

Was he serious? Dean arched an eyebrow, stroking his long, curved horn thoughtfully. “Mind-blowing sex.”

“Pass.”

Well...that was unexpected. Nobody refused sex. Not only was Dean attractive, but he, like all incubi, secreted pheremones to make him downright  _ irresistible _ . Castiel should, by all reasonable assumptions, be all over Dean right now, not glaring at him with an expression entirely devoid of lust. In fact, Castiel didn’t even look remotely interested in Dean. 

“Why open a bond, then?” Dean cocked his head, taking a slow step towards Castiel, who moved out of the way. 

“I didn’t bond us,” Castiel snapped, offended, which was funny given it was clearly  _ his  _ fault they were in this predicament, “I recited a summoning.”

“A summoning that bonds us,” Dean replied, heart-rate picking up. He could feel the bond to Castiel in his bones. When Dean dropped onto Earth to sleep with people voluntarily, it didn’t create a bond, but certain spells did include a subtle bonding within the general summoning. Some intended to ensure the caster would have an enjoyable experience, while others were designed with the intent to trap the caster in a night that would end in their demise, playing off the assumption that the incubus in question would feed on their subject so much they’d drain them entirely (Most of these spells were crafted by vengeful witches, and it seemed as though Castiel had stumbled upon one of those).

“Forever?” Castiel looked horrified, scrabbling for a worn piece of vellum which seemed to house the spell. For someone who didn’t seem to understand the fine print of the spell, he certainly looked like an accomplished witch. Beeswax candles dotted the room, and basic wards were painted in both animal’s blood and chalk, along with herbs and polished stones. As much as Dean hated to admit it, it sure didn’t look like Castiel was setting the mood so much as...setting up for the worst. Still, the only way out was through, right?

“Nah. Just until you climax. Then I’m officially off the clock,” Dean winked at Castiel in the hopes of lightening the mood (although seriously, he shouldn’t have to be having awkward small talk at all), but it didn’t seem to help. “Although with a guy like you, I’d stay on long enough to feed on a week’s worth of energy, if you know what I mean.”

“I don’t...that’s not…” Castiel scanned the vellum page. Dean could hear a tremor in his voice. This man did not expect to summon Dean, much less bond to him. It was strange, though, given Castiel’s resistance to Dean. If he’d expected to summon Dean, it would make sense to prepare a countermeasure to Dean’s magical seduction, but Castiel didn’t seem remotely prepared. How could he be resisting Dean’s wiles?

“Un-bond us,” Castiel said finally, shoving the vellum into Dean’s palms. His fingertips were calloused and with Castiel up close once again, Dean felt another wave of attraction. This guy was  _ hot _ . It was, quite frankly, a cruelty from the universe that he wasn’t in Castiel’s pants by now. For a moment, Dean envisioned pulling Castiel close again and feeding on his sexual energies...Castiel  _ had _ just demanded to have the bond broken, so it wouldn’t technically be nonconsensual...

_ No. _ Dean had watched how other incubi had changed when they fed without permission. Their horns grew too long, their eyes too bright, and with every passing meal they seemed more and more animalistic. Dean had promised himself long ago that he would avoid such a fate. Being bound to an unwilling host would just be a minor bump in the road.

“Did you hear me?” Castiel said, gesturing to the vellum pages impatiently. “I need you to un-bond us.” Dean blinked, reading over the vellum carefully. It was littered with ancient innuendos, many of which would have been funny if the situation wasn’t so, well, unfunny.

“I dunno how,” Dean shrugged, handing the vellum back to Castiel. When Castiel opened his mouth to speak, Dean added defensively, “It’s not like I’ve ever  _ had _ to break a bond! Everyone’s been into me,” he paused, adding grumpily, “You should be into me!”

“Well,” Castiel spluttered, “I’m not.”

“Oh, come on. You can’t be that straight,” Dean snapped, rubbing his horn again. It was a nervous habit, which was funny given the fact he really shouldn’t be nervous. He’d been doing this for ages. Dean took a deep breath, reminding himself of the homophobes he’d managed to seduce, thanks to a few good spells and his own charm. “Nobody’s straight enough to resist my natural sex appeal.”

“I’m  _ not _ straight,” Castiel said, which made Dean’s heart skip a beat. So he  _ could _ be attracted to Dean on his own. “But I’m not interested.”

Dean growled, frustrated, rubbing a hand across his face. This sort of predicament would have made his brother Sam excited by the sheer impossibility of it. The guy always  _ was _ a nerd for these sorts of things. Admittedly, Sam was a siren, so they weren’t related by blood...but as long as Dean could remember, Sam was the only person he’d ever stayed in extended contact with. He’d always enjoyed Sam’s presence, even with the brotherly teasing that accompanied it, and had always assumed they would remain close.

He had until the incident, anyway.

Regardless, Sam wasn’t here now. It was just Dean, who hadn’t bothered to look into humans accidentally resisting his most powerful pheromones, and Castiel, who apparently couldn’t even bother to pick up on an obvious innuendo from the 1600s. Now, they were bound together for the unforeseeable future. How long would the bond last? Until Castiel made it to old age and passed away gently in his sleep? 

A violent shiver ran down Dean’s spine at the thought. That was an awfully long time to be stuck on Earth. Then again, the alternative would be...well, starvation. How long  _ could _ he last on Earth without a good meal? Dean hadn’t tested the theory, but he doubted it would be too long. And of course, he just happened to be stuck starving while being bound to the human equivalent of a gourmet meal.

Seriously, the universe was not fair.

“So, what now?” Castiel asked.

“You die or I die,” Dean snapped, still reeling at the thought that he was going to  _ die _ , all because some human couldn’t seem to get it up.

There was a sharp intake of breath from Castiel. “I don’t want that.”

Dean laughed bitterly. “Of course you don’t.” He wandered the room, looking for something to throw. Dean had been planning to hit up a bachelorette party in Ireland, now he was stuck planning his funeral. Could he feed while he was bound? Would it even work? He settled on grabbing one of the candles, plunging his hand into the warm wax and squeezing, not even feeling the flames lick his skin.

“I mean,” Castiel clarified quietly, “I don’t want that for  _ you _ .” 

The human had tentatively made his way closer to Dean, a brave move given Dean was naked, horned, and currently holding an open flame. Dean was hit with equal parts fondness and anger at the statement. How  _ dare _ Castiel be the caring type? Most weren’t. Dean usually made sure he only slept with people who were just looking for a night of fun--after an accidental wedding in the 1800s, Dean took precautions--so to have someone who worried about his well-being...it just plain wasn’t fair. The whole thing was Castiel’s fault to begin with.

“There has to be some sort of way to fix this,” Castiel continued, “A sacrifice on my end, or, or some spell I don’t know about…” he paused, looking towards the door, “It would be embarrassing, but I’m sure my coven could do something…”

“I’m a demon,” Dean snorted, clenching the candle so hard that wax dripped onto his skin. “Not exactly worth a sacrifice here.”

“You’re a creature who can reason,” Castiel replied softly, “And one who didn’t try to…when I didn’t accept...” Dean felt his stomach squirm at those words, though he tried not to look away. Castiel made a face, glancing down Dean’s chest briefly before looking back up, his blue eyes locking onto Dean’s. Castiel would make one incredible incubi, his eyes could glow like Heaven. Dean shook his head. He couldn’t get distracted. “I’ll do whatever it takes,” Castiel concluded.

The temptation leapt in Dean’s chest once again. “Including sex?”

The eye contact wavered. “I…”

That was all it took. Dean bit the inside of his mouth, forcing the  _ want _ away. It was clear that Castiel didn’t desire sex, but wavered solely on Dean’s behalf, a fact that was...stupidly endearing. Mind racing, Dean tried, for the first time in his life, to consider an alternative to sex. “I’ve got an idea,” Dean said finally, “But first, I need to know where we are.”

\---

Which was how Dean ended up in a motel room, sitting in an armchair that smelled of cat urine, watching over a human who managed to look even more attractive in his sleep. The universe might not have given him the best luck (a hot guy he couldn’t bang wasn’t exactly spectacular, given Dean’s wheelhouse) but there was one fantastic ray of hope: Castiel lived only one state over from their solution.

At least, that’s what Dean was banking on. Castiel lived in Northern Washington, along the coastline, and, more importantly, north of California. For reasons Dean could not understand, one of Sam’s favorite hunting grounds was the coastline near a popular human college, Stanford. Sam, always one to learn more, was fascinated by the university and regularly seduced students along the shore. That was, until one seemed to seduce  _ Sam _ . Dean didn’t understand it, he’d refused to listen when his brother explained what was happening. All Dean knew was some human, immune to Sam’s siren song, had convinced him to leave the water and step foot onto the shore.

And just like that, he’d lost his brother.

Sam had begged Dean to visit, but what was the point? The only way Sam could have survived living on land, rather than the sea had to have something to do with losing his immortality. The only thing worse than Sam leaving his side was knowing Sam was going to grow old and frail. Sam was going to  _ die _ . Dean couldn’t watch that happen. He didn’t have any other family, or friends for that matter, so he’d concluded it was better to mourn Sam’s passing now than watch him slowly slip away.

Dean shook his head, trying not to think about his brother. Human time was hard to keep track of. Had it been a few months since he’d last seen Sam? Years? Decades? Sam could already be dead for all he knew. But if someone could figure out what was happening between Dean and Castiel, it would be him. If he was still alive.

_ No _ . He wasn’t thinking about that. Dean pushed to his feet, trying to quietly opening the door. It squeaked; Castiel stirred, but didn’t rouse, and Dean made his way back to Castiel’s car. Of all the cars for Castiel to own, Dean didn’t expect a Lincoln Continental, it seemed to big, too garish for the simplicity Castiel seemed to harbor within himself. Or maybe Dean was just inventing a version of Castiel based on the few interactions they’d had.

Castiel really was an enigma. Attractive-- _ oh god, so attractive _ \--and yet utterly uninterested in anyone. And Dean didn’t say that lightly. He’d attracted people who swore they were straight, or in a committed relationship, or still in mourning. And, from what Dean could tell, Castiel didn’t even have those excuses. He was a hot, gay, single man who, by every right, should have wanted everything Dean was willing to give.

Dean found he didn’t want to think about that either. He opened the door of the car (in Castiel’s hurry to force Dean into the motel room, he’d completely forgotten to lock it) tugging Castiel’s small duffle bag from the back seat. He unzipped it, rifling through the small collection of toiletries to grab a pair of boxers. They were blue, emblazoned with cheerful bumblebees. Dean hated how much more endearing that small detail made Castiel. He wasn’t in the market to find Castiel adorable, or even hot. Castiel was just...an acquaintance. Not a one night stand, and certainly not adorable. 

He tugged them on, relieved that he and Castiel were similar enough in size that they fit just fine. The fabric felt strange, he wasn’t used to wearing clothes at all, but Dean hoped he’d get used to it as he rummaged through the bag to pull out a worn pair of sweatpants with a drawstring waist, which he slid on. The pants hung a little above his ankles, but they weren’t slipping down, which was nice. Finally, he slid a t-shirt over his head. It took a little struggling, but putting on clothes wasn’t that hard, though Dean was happy he’d chosen to get dressed without Castiel present.

The shirt was also bumblebee related, celebrating an Oregon Honey Festival. Dean smiled fondly, rubbing the soft fabric for a moment before remembering where he was. Thank goodness nobody else seemed to be awake, he hadn’t even thought about how strange it might look to see a man getting dressed in the middle of the parking lot. 

Dean closed the car door, catching sight of his reflection in the side mirror. He bent to examine himself. It was strange, seeing his glorious penis obscured by fabric, but almost stranger was his horns, which looked slightly smaller than he remembered. Dean frowned, running a hand along the ridge, before turning away. He was probably overthinking it. Still, he couldn’t help but touch the end of his horn as he carried Castiel’s duffle bag back to the motel room.

After observing Castiel for over an hour, Dean came to the conclusion that one of the reasons he looked so appealing in slumber was his face was no longer lined with worry. Castiel sure seemed like the kind of guy to always find something to be concerned with, so being bound to a slowly-dying demon probably ramped the guy’s anxieties up to monstrous proportions. Without thinking, Dean reached out to gently brush Castiel’s cheek with his hand.

Dean recoiled instantly, horrified with the gesture. It wasn’t like they were initiating in foreplay, there was absolutely no reason to touch Castiel. Certainly not without Castiel’s permission. And he was not about to grow fond of a human. Humans grew old and died. They were mechanisms for food and sex, nothing more. 

The thought of sex brought back the desire from before, coupled now with a slowly growing hunger. Dean was right in his assumption that the longer he went without sex, the hungrier he’d be. But, at least for now, he wasn’t particularly interested in, as Castiel had put it, “banging someone else.” Whether it was the bond or not, Dean wasn’t particularly sure, but for the time being, his hunger was not pressing enough for him to do what he had to. 

Without Castiel or another human, all that was left was to pleasure himself, but that too felt strange. He shouldn’t do it next to Castiel, right? Oddly mortified at the thought of Castiel awaking to see Dean doing  _ that _ , Dean quietly excused himself to the bathroom. He locked the door and even shoved a towel up against the base of the door. The whole room was filthy, the white of the black and white linoleum flooring stained a nasty brown. Dean didn’t even want to think about what had caused it.

There was some irony in getting undressed right after getting dressed, but Dean decided it was better safe than sorry. He conjured up a number of particularly enjoyable encounters that he’d experienced throughout the centuries, but, to Dean’s surprise, Castiel’s form rose up, unbidden, in his mind. It was not particularly hard to imagine him naked, and with his piercing gaze and strong arms, Dean couldn’t help but be swept away by the fantasy of Castiel.

It was entirely too easy to fall under Castiel’s imaginary spell. Dean tried not to think about the implications of that as he allowed himself to get carried away.

\---

Dean thanked every deity he’d ever heard of that Castiel did not wake during the night, especially as Dean had not been able to suppress all of his noises in the bathroom. It wasn’t until the sun had risen, and started to shine through the musty curtains, that Castiel finally stirred. He blinked in the bright light, groaning softly, and Dean resisted the urge to smile. Slowly, Castiel sat up, squinting around the room, the bags under his eyes dark and pronounced. His squint narrowed when he saw Dean, blue eyes almost obscured entirely.

“You’re dressed,” Castiel mumbled, his voice even more deep and gravelly before, which was absolutely  _ unfair _ . The last thing Dean needed in this unbonding adventure with a man impossibly not attracted to him was to find more reasons why he was hot.

“I remembered that humans typically consume a meal in the morning,” Dean replied, “And I wanted meat.” 

Castiel made a face. “I do understand some innuendo, you know.”

“ _ Dude _ ,” Dean pretended to be scandalized as Castiel rubbed a tired hand across his face. “I meant  _ bacon _ .” Dean had fallen in love the first time he’d sampled bacon. It didn’t keep his form satiated, but it tasted  _ amazing _ . Was it the reason he’d gotten dressed? Not exactly. But Castiel didn’t need to know as much.

He was met with another one of Castiel’s squints, which was starting to become annoyingly endearing (yet another thing to add to the list). Dean couldn’t help it, he laughed. Castiel scowled, pushing out of bed. “It’s too early for any of this,” Castiel grumbled, eyes opening wide as he noticed his duffle bag set on the checkered table. 

“Thanks,” he added, though he refused to look at Dean as he pulled a toothbrush from within and shuffled to the bathroom to brush his teeth.

The emptiness of the room left Dean alone with his racing thoughts. He was  _ not _ supposed to find Castiel adorable. Could it be the bond? Potentially. After all, it had been several centuries since Dean had been forcibly summoned.  These days, most people might not be interested in spells, but they were interested in meaningless sex with hot strangers. There were even cell phone applications devoted to it. ( Dean was marginally decent at operating a human phone, although they seemed to change every time he returned to Earth.)

If Sam were here, he’d no doubt have a number of facts about the side-effects of bonds, but for now, Dean was left to assume that any feelings he had for Castiel remained solely in the bounds of hungry, sexual need. Nothing more. He repeated the phrase like a mantra to himself as he followed Castiel to the car.

“Where are we going?” Castiel poked Dean’s shoulder, forcing him to look at the man, rather than his own bare feet. 

“South,” Dean said quickly. 

Castiel frowned, but started the car nonetheless. Dean didn’t know  _ why _ he felt the need to hide Sam’s existence from Castiel. When they finally found his brother, it’s not like Castiel could avoid meeting him. But there were so many unknown variables involved. For instance, Sam might not be at Stanford anymore. Or he could have decided he no longer wanted to see his brother. Sam might even be dead. And if they couldn’t find Sam, that was all the more reason not to talk about it.

Dean didn’t even know where to start. So, instead, it was simply, “South,” much to Castiel’s displeasure. Castiel seemed like the sort of witch who didn’t like to be in the dark. 

“My coven is also doing research,” Castiel announced casually as they drove out of the parking lot and onto a small, empty road. “Gabriel’s sure he can find something.”

“No offense to your human friends--”

“--family, actually,” Castiel interrupted. “My coven used to be much bigger, but things fell apart...now it’s just my brother, sister and I.”

“Whatever,” Dean felt a pang of jealousy. Even when everything else crumbled in Castiel’s life, he had familial support. He even had support  _ now _ , when he’d left his family on an impromptu road trip with a sex demon. Dean shifted in his seat, ignoring the guilty feeling of leaving his own brother out to dry. “I’m just not sure how much they can help.”

“They’ll help,” Castiel responded calmly. He didn’t pull onto the interstate, as Dean expected, but instead turned into the parking lot of a run-down Wal-Mart. “Or you’ll find a solution,” he added, shrugging at Dean, who felt oddly flattered that Castiel placed his trust in him. Well, sort of, anyway.

Castiel parked the car, digging through his dufflebag to pull out an old leather wallet. It was worn, with a detailed ward stamped onto the surface. He shoved it into his pocket as he exited the car. “You’re welcome to come with me,” he said to Dean.

“Will there be bacon?” Dean asked.

For the first time all morning, Castiel cracked a tiny hint of a smile. “Unfortunately, no. I realized in my haste I’d grabbed you clothes, but no shoes. They’re kind of a requirement for most public spaces.”

“Then why can I go in there?” Dean jerked his head in the direction of the storefront, which was housed in a beige box, nothing like the ancient shops he could remember. Funny how quickly things could change. Or, how quickly things seemed to change, anyway. Human time was almost as much of an enigma as Castiel. 

“The rules for public don’t really apply to Wal-mart,” Castiel said, his smile widening to a gummy grin and to Dean’s dismay, his heart filled with butterflies at the sight. Goddamn  _ butterflies _ , none of that penis lifting, pheromone spreading lust that was supposed to be happening. Dean tried to school his emotions. He’d deal with...whatever this  _ thing _ was later. For now it was braving the Wal-mart.


	3. Hot Gym Teacher, Cold Pizza Bites

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's artwork for this chapter! Check it out [here](https://dreamsfromthebunker.tumblr.com/post/178643431585/the-return-policy-art)!

As far as Castiel was concerned, Wal-mart was the source of all evil. He couldn’t stand the fact the products were so cheaply made and mass-produced and usually opted to shop at local businesses. In fact, Castiel was well known among his local farmer’s market for the sheer amount of produce he purchased.

Unfortunately, time was of the essence. Dean was dying, which would have been reason enough, but add to it that the whole situation was almost entirely Castiel’s fault….well, the  _ least _ Castiel could do was go to the most convenient option. Not to mention, there weren’t a lot of other places he could find food, a phone charger, new clothes and a pair of cheap sandals all at once. 

Besides, how many other places would allow for everyone giving Dean’s obvious horns a blind eye?

The one good thing about the trip, as far as Castiel was concerned, was Dean’s reaction to it all. For someone who had, apparently, travelled the world and met all sorts of fascinating people, Dean appeared to be just as amazed by the commercial excess that Wal-mart provided. He ran his hands along  _ every _ rack of clothing, nearly broke a toy when it lit up in the box and started making noises, and tried to fill Castiel’s cart with everything from a remote control car to a rake.

“We’re not buying any of this,” Castiel said cooly, although Dean’s enthusiasm made his heart flutter oddly. He didn’t want to have sex with Dean, and calling it ‘love’ seemed to be going too far, but...there was certainly some semblance of affection there. Which was entirely uncalled for. Dean wasn’t even going to be a friend as soon as this adventure was over, much less, what? A lover? As if a  _ literal sex demon _ would want to be in a sexless romance. Castiel’s dour train of thought was interrupted by Dean trying on a pair of fluffy green monster slippers.

“I want them,” Dean announced, “They are softer than dew-soaked grass. I believe they are an acceptable alternative to bare feet.”

“Yeah, well, you can’t really wear them in public,” Castiel said, handing Dean a pair of sandals instead. Dean hadn’t liked flip-flops, and Castiel couldn’t blame him, so these shoes had bands that ran across the foot, instead of between the toes. Castiel thanked his lucky stars they’d managed to find  _ any _ sandals in November--the thought of trying to teach Dean to wear socks and restrictive shoes seemed overwhelming. “Try these on.”

Dean pouted as he slid off the green slippers, keeping them in one hand as he tried on the sandals. “I could wear the green shoes in the Wal-mart, though. You said public rules don’t apply to the Wal-mart.”

Castiel rolled his eyes. Is this what he’d come to, buying green slippers for demons? Dean stared up at him, green eyes wide and pleading. Damn it. “We’ll buy the slippers,” Castiel relented, “But  _ only _ if you wear the sandals too.”

The demon weighed his options, eventually dropping both sets of shoes into Castiel’s cart with a shit-eating grin. “Human shopping is excellent these days,” Dean said proudly, diving into the remaining search for clothes with gusto. He insisted on patterned boxers, choosing one with lightning and another with a Batman logo. To be safe, Castiel also purchased a set of cheap white boxers. They also found Dean another pair of sweatpants, as well as a shirt that also had the Batman logo on it. (Dean seemed very interested in the concept of having his clothes match) There was also the issue of Dean’s horns, which was settled by a red plaid winter hat with ear-flaps, chosen by Dean himself.

Still, none of the clothes shopping even held a candle to shopping for food.

“I thought you fed off  _ sex _ ,” Castiel complained as Dean tried to dump a huge bag of a multi-colored sugar cereal into the cart. “Not junk food!”

“I do,” Dean replied cheerfully as Castiel added a box of healthier granola bars to the cart. It was likely they’d be road-tripping for a while (Castiel for twice as long as Dean, if everything went well) so he wanted to be prepared. “But this junk food looks  _ amazing! _ ”

After being denied from sugar cereal (then chips, then cookies, then a giant bag of M&Ms) Dean was practically enraptured by the frozen food aisle. He even tried to climb into a shelf of frozen vegetables as soon as he discovered it stayed cold. They needed nothing from the aisle, but Castiel was quickly learning that it was easier to let Dean just run his course. When Dean discovered pizza bites, his eyes went wide.

“We need these,” Dean insisted, holding a large box of the pizza bites to his chest.

“You need to cook them,” Castiel explained gently, “If we have them now, you’ll just be eating cold pizza bites.”

“I’ve tried pizza before,” Dean said, tossing the box into the cart, “And I’ll happily eat it cold if it means I get to have these magical bites.”

Castiel weighed his options. They had to get on the road, and he’d prefer to keep Dean happy if possible. How many more things could Dean beg for? Castiel was not sure he wanted to find out. “If we buy these,” he warned, feeling oddly like he was talking to a small child, “You don’t get to choose anything else.”

“Fine,” Dean said, and they even shook on it. Castiel’s skin tingled at the touch, and he worried it wasn’t just because Dean’s hand was cold from sticking it repeatedly into the freezer. Dean didn’t let go, and for an awkward second they both lingered, holding hands (kind of) in the frozen foods aisle. The moment was interrupted by a grumpy old lady who, rather than ask them to move, simply took matters into her own hands and rammed her cart in between the two of them. They parted, and Castiel felt an odd blush rise to his cheeks.

It didn’t change things, though. 

Castiel cleared his throat awkwardly, and the two of them made their way to the produce aisle for Castiel to supplement their snacks with apples, grapes, and baby carrots. Checkout went relatively smoothly, Dean was enraptured by the scanning device, and soon, they were back in the car, Dean wearing his green slippers proudly.

“So,” Castiel said as he turned the key in the ignition, “Where to?”

Dean’s smile faded and he began to tug on the tassel of his hat. “South,” he repeated the same cryptic clue from before.

“Do you not know where we’re going?” Castiel ventured slowly, “Because...well, Earth is really big and it might be easier to get where we’re going with…um, they’re these new human contraptions called airplanes, they allow us to fly and…”

“I know what an airplane is,” Dean interrupted. “The car works fine.”

“It would work  _ better _ if I knew where I was going,” Castiel insisted. He hated being in the dark, especially when it was something that affected them both. It also didn’t help that Castiel was the one driving the car, and he had  _ no idea where _ . 

Dean chewed the inside of his mouth and for a brief moment, Castiel wondered if it was a set up. Perhaps Dean intended to run him off the road, or lead him somewhere to be murdered, or sacrificed, or...or… 

“Stanford,” Dean said quietly, interrupting Castiel’s increasingly panicked inner dialogue, “We gotta get to Stanford.”

“That’s going to be about 12 hours--” Castiel started, as he tapped Stanford into his GPS, but Dean interrupted.

“--We, uh, also gotta stay on the coastline.”

Castiel amended his route, though he was absolutely confused. “That’s 15 hours,” he read aloud, glancing at Dean. He had no idea how long it would take for Dean to starve, but surely the faster they went, the better, right? “Why would we do that?” 

But Dean refused to say anything more, even when pushed, leaving Castiel with a number of questions. What lay in Stanford? How did Dean know where it was? What would happen when they arrived? Still, they had a long road ahead of them. Maybe Dean would talk when he was ready. Besides, if they pushed hard, they could be in Stanford by late tonight.

With little other option, Castiel started onto the highway. Whatever was waiting for him at Stanford, he was ready.

Just as he’d promised, Castiel tried to keep close to the shore. It wasn’t always in sight, of course, but when it was, he couldn’t help but feel calmed by the ocean. He and his coven had settled in the small coastal town of Port Angeles and the ocean was always within reach, so the waves felt familiar. Dean seemed equally enthralled by the ocean, staring out at the waves as though searching for something. 

An hour in, Castiel opted to turn on the radio, tuning to a station that played classical music. To his surprise, Dean fiddled with the dial until he settled on rock. The familiar sounds of  _ Stairway to Heaven _ rang out, though they were only familiar because Gabriel enjoyed listening to that genre of music and often blasted it loudly as he was getting ready in the mornings.

“Didn’t expect you to have that musical preference,” Castiel commented, glancing over at Dean. He seemed much more...human, in that moment. Not just a sex demon looking for his latest conquest. If it weren’t for Dean’s glowing eyes, he’d look utterly ordinary. In fact, Dean seemed less seductive and more, well, ridiculous, especially with his plaid hat and Castiel’s Oregon shirt. What’s more, Castiel couldn’t help but notice Dean’s nose. Castiel hadn’t realized just how many freckles there were on Dean’s face, dotting across his nose and along his cheekbones like the Milky Way.

A horn honked and Castiel jerked the wheel to pull his car onto the right side of the road. 

“Dude,” Dean sounded slightly rattled, “You still need sleep or something?”

Castiel turned pink, keeping his gaze firmly locked on the road. He was not supposed to be getting distracted by Dean. There was absolutely no point, not when he felt no sexual attraction for him. Dean was a sex demon, all Dean wanted was sex. That was just the fact of life, and Castiel couldn’t let himself forget it. “I’m fine,” he muttered, though when he finally dared sneak a glance at Dean, he couldn’t help but notice that Dean’s cheeks looked a little pink too.

They both remained silent again, though the radio continued to play.  _ Free Bird _ ,  _ Sweet Emotion _ ,  _ Born to Be Wild _ . Castiel lost track of the songs, allowing himself to be swept away in the lush green landscape of the Oregon coast. So much felt foreign to him now. He wasn’t the kind of person to make split second decisions, yet here he was, driving with a sex demon he’d bound to him down to  _ Stanford _ of all places. It should be terrifying, or stressful, or full of regret. And, yes, Castiel did feel a fair amount of all those emotions, but he also felt  _ excited. _ There was something oddly exhilarating about stepping foot into the unknown. 

“So, you’re a witch, huh?” Dean asked finally. When Castiel squinted at him (quickly! He didn’t want a repeat of their near accident), Dean shrugged. “What? I’m bored. We’re gonna be in this car for a while, why not get to know each other?”

He made a fair point, but Castiel wasn’t sure he wanted to get to know Dean. Dean was already looking a little too human for Castiel’s liking, what if he found out more good things about him? Would that make Dean seem even less like a sex demon? Castiel wasn’t about to say he’d fall in  _ love _ with Dean, surely he couldn’t be that foolish, but still. There could be some other, secret pheromone that Dean had that made them...really good friends or something. And then Dean would be unbound, and would never want to see Castiel again, all because Castiel didn’t want to have sex with the entirely too human sex demon.

_ You’re getting ahead of yourself again _ , Castiel warned himself. Besides, as far as worst case scenarios went, it wasn’t all that bad. Dean wouldn’t even be with him for a week, how bad could that separation be? “I’m a witch,” Castiel replied finally. “I own a magic shop with my coven, Gabriel and Anna.”

“What kind of magic?”

“I specialize in ancient spells, mostly,” Castiel shrugged, “Deciphering dead languages, trying to piece together rituals that used to be passed down in person...those sorts of things. I’m also well known in the community for my archiving,” he added proudly.

“Dude! You’re a witch. How on  _ earth  _ did you manage to make that sound boring?” Dean punched his shoulder lightly and Castiel couldn’t help but feel tingles spread down his arms. How far did Dean’s powers extend, anyway? 

“It’s interesting!” Castiel protested, “ _ You’re _ one of those ancient things!”

“No way,” Dean shook his head, “I’m hip. I drink beer and know how to make cassette mixtapes.”

Castiel snorted. “Hate to break it to you, but cassettes have been outdated for a while now.”

Dean slapped a hand to his chest in horror. “What? No way. How did I miss that?”

“The real question is how you picked up on cassette mixtapes in the first place,” Castiel laughed. “I thought you just touched base on Earth for the sex.”

“Not  _ just _ for the sex!” Dean protested. “I mean. Not always.” He paused, thoughtfully. “Fine, okay, usually for the sex, but once in a while there’s someone...I dunno, special.”

Castiel’s heart skipped a beat. Someone special? Dean could have those? Dean  _ wanted _ those? Could Dean...no. No, he was getting a handle on these irresponsible thoughts. Dean would not want that with him. Still, he couldn’t help but feel a pang of jealousy for whoever had managed to convince Dean to stick around longer than an orgasm or two. “Who, uh,” Castiel cleared his throat, trying to sound unconcerned, “Anyone recently?”

“Lisa Braedan,” Dean said, entirely too quickly for Castiel’s liking. “A super hot, super flexible gymnast with gorgeous brown curls…” he chuckled, “I think I’ve got a thing for brunettes.” 

As much as Castiel tried valiantly to  _ not care _ , all he could think about was how  _ he _ had brown hair. His traitorous heart skipped another beat. To counteract it, Castiel pointedly kept his eyes on the road, clenching the steering wheel a little tighter. “How long were you around?”

Dean shrugged. “Human time is weird...a month, maybe?”

A whole month? That was absolutely unfair. Castiel forced a smile. “What did you do for a month?”

“Aside from the obvious?” Dean smirked wickedly, and Castiel felt another pang of jealousy towards this  _ Lisa _ . She was probably perfect for Dean: great body, better sex. “Got to know each other, I guess. She showed me how to make mixtapes, we’d eat out a lot...sometimes I’d pop in for the gym classes she taught and ramp up my pheromones until…” Dean’s grin widened, “She hated how much she loved  _ that _ .”

Okay, so apparently most of their interactions was one thing. Castiel didn’t know if that made him feel better or worse. Castiel’s fingers tightened a little more around the wheel. “So...what happened with her?”

Dean’s smile faded. “I didn’t wanna stick around. I mean, the sex was awesome, but one day it hit me that Lisa was gonna get old, she was gonna  _ die _ ...You gotta understand, dying is so rare for my kind, it’s really hard to kill an incubus and how do you deal with death?” Dean shrugged, trying to brush it off, although Castiel could see that the thought of death seemed to haunt Dean, “I didn’t know...so I just...left.”

“Without saying goodbye?” For a moment, the jealousy vanished, and Castiel couldn’t help but feel bad for the woman. It was hard enough dealing with a breakup, but, he imagined, much worse to be abandoned without warning or explanation. Castiel wondered how long Lisa waited for Dean to return.

“Yeah.” Dean shook his head, “I felt bad about it, so I went back soon...but I’d misjudged Earth time.”

Castiel frowned. It sounded like he’d met Lisa in the 80s, so she couldn’t have died of old age. “What happened?”

“I thought it was months...but  _ years _ had passed, and Lisa, she…” Dean shrugged, “She’d moved on. Gotten married. Had a kid.”

Castiel’s jaw dropped. “Was it yours?”

Dean shrugged. “Nah, incubi can’t impregnate people.” He paused, frowning slightly. “It was just weird, realizing it wasn’t possible to give any human a normal life. It’s one night stands or nothing for this guy.”

“I’m...sorry.” Castiel didn’t know what else to say. Dean probably didn’t want a child, but, still. It couldn’t be easy to watch someone you’d loved move on. He wouldn’t have thought Dean could love, but...something about the way Dean told the story, it sure seemed like the demon might have more feelings than he let on.

“Nah, it’s cool. I learned my lesson. No point getting attached, y’know? Better to keep your distance. Keep it meaningless. Just two hot people having an awesome night. Or more than two, if you’re adventurous,” Dean added, his mischievous smile back. 

Castiel rolled his eyes, “You’re disgusting.”

“Don’t knock it till you try it!” Dean laughed, punching Castiel’s shoulder again. Although his good mood seemed to have bounced back quickly, however, Castiel couldn’t help but feel an odd sense of disappointment.

Silence fell again. 

This time, hours passed, long enough for the radio station to fade into static as they drove out of range, and the “Welcome to California” sign to come into view. Castiel munched on a granola bar while Dean snacked on his thawed pizza bites. The odd level of peacefulness was disrupted only when Dean touched Castiel again, this time a gentle hand on Castiel’s shoulder. Castiel felt as though his entire body was full of sparks, a lightning rod to Dean’s thunderstorm. 

“You know, uh,” Dean cleared his throat, “You don’t gotta try it.”

“That’s very kind,” Castiel replied, slightly confused, “But I never planned to indulge in your cold pizza bites.”

“Not those,” Dean shook his head, “Although if you wanted some--” he held out the box towards Castiel.

“--I can assure you, I don’t.”

“Right, um, well,” Dean set the box at his feet, although he maintained contact with Castiel with his other hand, “I meant the orgy thing. You don’t gotta try that, you know.”

“What in the world made you feel the need to tell me that?” Castiel said, trying to ignore the warmth of Dean’s palm. This wasn’t the discussion he’d thought they’d be having next, although it was becoming apparent that he could not even remotely predict Dean’s next move.

“It’s just. I mean, um.” Dean fumbled, “We’re gonna be stuck together until we get unstuck and if we’re not having sex we might as well get along, right? So...you’re not into sex. And that’s...weird. But, it’s you, so…it’s cool,” Dean trailed off awkwardly, giving the tassel of his hat a nervous tug.

“Big words coming from a sex demon,” Castiel tried to lighten the mood. He felt both flattered and uncomfortable by Dean’s decision to respect Castiel’s asexuality. Had Dean been thinking about his orgy comment the whole time? Did he only just come to the conclusion Castiel wouldn’t be interested in an orgy? Castiel wasn’t sure what to make of it. “Is that another attempt to seduce me? Pretending to be okay with my lack of sexuality?”

It wasn’t that he thought Dean was doing it to be  _ mean _ , but surely it had to be pretense; there was no way Dean would be fine with Castiel’s lack of sexuality. To his surprise, however, Dean looked even more uncomfortable by Castiel’s comment. He slowly removed his hand from Castiel’s shoulder and pivoted in his seat to look out the window.

“For the record,” Dean mumbled, pointedly avoiding eye contact with Castiel, “I haven’t tried to use pheromones on you since you said you didn’t want to be seduced.”

“So what?” Castiel asked, slightly bitter, “You realized it was a lost cause and saved your energy.”

“And I’ve worn clothes, and gone to the store and…” Dean growled, running a hand over his face, “I don’t  _ do _ those things, not even remotely, but I have--”

“Which means what? You did those things so now I owe you sex?”

“It means I want to be your friend, dude!” Dean shouted, instantly pulling the hat over his face the moment he’d said it. “You seem pretty okay and we’re stuck together anyway, so--” Dean’s voice was muffled by the hat, which was also oddly endearing. 

  
That fact, of course, was  _ not _ a fair observation on Castiel’s part, but still. His heart couldn’t help but light up at the idea that Dean wanted to get along, even if it  _ was _ just for the time being. Castiel schooled his face, trying to hide the silly grin that was tugging at his lips. “I want to be friends too, Dean.”


	4. Bacon for More

Later, Dean would wonder if the course of the universe could be changed simply by wishing hard enough.

Dean didn’t know when he started wishing, but he did know when he became aware of it. The sun was setting in California, they’d been on the road for over eight hours, and he’d absolutely  _ begged _ Castiel to let them stop to eat at a diner. “I can steal money for you once we’re unbonded,” Dean pleaded, “More than enough to cover the meal.”

“You don’t need to eat,” Castiel pointed out reproachfully. “Unless…” he grimaced, “Is this so you can have sex with someone?”

Honestly? Not even a little. Admittedly, the hunger was starting to become more apparent and Dean felt a bit shaky, but strangely, there was something unappealing about sleeping with someone who wasn’t Cas. Damn bond. (It  _ was _ the bond, right?) Still, it was embarrassing to admit as much, so Dean tried to smirk.

“Sex and a bacon cheeseburger,” he replied, grasping Castiel’s arm with both hands in a way he hoped would be imploring. Discovering that bacon cheeseburgers still existed was really the best news he’d heard since being summoned to Earth. Sex might be fantastic, but bacon, in Dean’s opinion, came in as a close second. If he was going to be stuck on Earth, he might as well take advantage of it.

To his surprise, Castiel turned bright red. “I...might be a little hungry,” Castiel muttered. The car jolted, Castiel had accidentally drifted onto the rumble strip, and he jerked away from Dean to regain control of the car. Poor guy, the mere mention of sex seemed to throw him off. In the end, they decided on a McDonald’s in the nearby town of Mckinleyville, California. 

“The quality of McDonald’s isn’t great,” Castiel warned Dean as they pulled off the interstate. McDonald’s had been chosen largely for its speed of service. Castiel seemed to be invested in eating quickly to get Dean on his way to find an acceptable person  _ to sex _ (Castiel’s words, not Dean’s). If he couldn’t find someone at the restaurant, they’d bring him to a bar. 

Dean wasn’t particularly looking forwards to this part of the plan, but he’d set his heart on the bacon cheeseburger...and he really probably should at least try to have sex. It might not fill him completely while bonded to Castiel, but keeping his strength up was probably preferable to starving. Maybe. Briefly, he was tempted once again to convince Castiel to sleep with him. Perhaps if he played on Castiel’s guilt and--

_ No.  _ That wasn’t fair to Cas.

“It’s probably about as good as your pizza bites,” Castiel added, derailing Dean’s conflicted train of thought.

“My pizza bites were fantastic,” Dean replied, confused. They were a newfound favorite of his. Who knew so much flavor could reside in such a tiny bread dough pouch? If this  _ McDonald _ was as good as his pizza bites, well, Dean was in for a treat. It was this good mood that carried Dean into the restaurant, and helped him avoid thinking about the logistics of this particular one night stand. 

His single minded focus on burgers was interrupted as they stepped into line. It was fairly crowded in the restaurant and one customer, in quite a hurry, bumped into Dean, sending him closer to Castiel. Close enough, in fact, to brush shoulders. And that’s when Dean’s brain short-circuited.  _ Nice, nice, nice _ , he thought, glancing at Castiel.

Castiel shifted, stepping away from Dean. Well, that was disappointing.

His attention, however, was quickly drawn to the glowing menu above their heads. Dean had forgotten how many incredible confections humans dreamed up, and as he examined the corresponding photographs, Dean found he didn’t just want the bacon cheeseburger...he wanted to try  _ everything _ . “You can get one meal,” Castiel said, dashing Dean’s dreams, but only slightly. He’d settled, quite proudly, on a bacon cheeseburger with fries and a soda.

The food came very quickly, almost as if it had been summoned (Castiel assured him that McDonald’s did not, in fact, engage in witchcraft). Dean took his food and sat down in an empty booth, unwrapping the neatly packaged hamburger.  It was  _ huge _ , dripping with grease and stacked with meat. He didn’t even get to take a bite, though, before Castiel slapped his hand away. 

“Aren’t you more hungry than that?” Castiel cleared his throat, glaring down at Dean. He stood with his arms folded and Dean didn’t understand why Castiel didn’t sit.

Dean squinted down at the burger. Did hungrier humans consume their burgers differently? He poked it, slightly confused, when Castiel added in a strained whisper, “ _ The whole reason we stopped. Sex _ .”

Any joy Dean had felt about eating his hamburger drained out of him. Yeah, he was hungry, but he didn’t really feel like sleeping with anyone. But he’d told Castiel he was...if he backed out, what would Castiel think? Knowing the guy, he’d probably feel guilty for starving Dean. That’s why they’d stopped in the first place. Castiel had been so intent on getting Dean to Stanford quickly that he’d barely even stopped to urinate. This stop was for one thing and, as far as Castiel was concerned, it sure as hell wasn’t a bacon cheeseburger.

“I thought we’d do that after dinner,” Dean grumbled, the grease dripping down his fingers. A thought struck him. “I want to eat this burger  _ hot _ ,” he added, knowing how Castiel had reacted to the cold pizza bites.

His gamble paid off. Castiel frowned, looking conflicted, then sighed. “Fine,” Castiel muttered. “I’ll grab us both some ketchup.” 

Dean took a bite of his burger as he watched Castiel walk away.  _ Damn _ , that guy had a nice ass. And this burger tasted amazing, no matter what Castiel said. When Castiel returned with the ketchup, Dean happily dunked his french fries into the small container, barely breathing between shoving burger and fries into his mouth. Castiel watched him with a small smile. He’d ordered a salad, which seemed much less enjoyable, but Castiel didn’t seem to mind.

“You mind if I take a fry?” Castiel asked while Dean ate. “Gabriel’s usually the one to order french fries…” he hesitated, then added, “I don’t eat many but I’d love a--”

Dean pushed the container of fries to the middle of the table.

He finished his burger before Castiel finished his salad, and spent the remaining time regaling Castiel with his adventures through history. Castiel was fascinated, staring at Dean with his blue eyes wide. During one of Dean’s favorite stories, which involved the queen of Scotland and one very naked fist-fight, Castiel was so entranced that he put an empty fork in his mouth, entirely unaware.

The whole thing was so endearing that it caught Dean off guard, his mouth hanging open as his train of thought abandoned him for one specific, and powerful wish: Castiel. Specifically, Castiel with him. Not just sex, either, though Dean was convinced  _ that _ particular aspect would be mind blowing, but just...Cas. His company made Dean feel something pleasant. 

_ I hope I don’t find Sam in Stanford _ , Dean thought to himself, grinning as Castiel noticed what he’d just done. He might not be able to have Castiel forever, but Dean at least wanted one more day. Unfortunately, Castiel finished dinner. Which meant he was absolutely insistent about Dean having sex. 

“I could wait…” Dean tried weakly as Castiel scooped their mess onto the plastic tray, but Castiel was having none of it.

“We don’t know how long you can last,” Castiel said, his voice oddly cold as he threw the remains in the garbage can, “Or how long it’ll take for this cure to work.” He lowered his voice as he added, “You need to have sex.”

“And you’re sure you can’t--” Dean begged. It was a moment of desperation, and strangely had nothing to do with breaking the bond. It was just the strange desire to  _ be with Castiel _ . Anything else felt out of place. 

“Dean,” Castiel snapped, pushing the door open with surprising strength. “We’re not talking about it again.”

Dean felt slightly sick. The change in Castiel’s tone was so abrupt, so different from the cheerful and easygoing mood they’d had over the dinner table. Was Castiel annoyed at him? It would make sense, for someone who didn’t need sex (or even want it!) Castiel likely didn’t enjoy having to stop their journey so Dean could do it. Castiel had pushed so hard, he clearly wanted them unbonded more than Dean did.

He sighed, not looking Castiel in the eye. “Guess I’ll find someone, huh?”

Castiel didn’t even answer.

In the end, he ended up having Castiel drive him to a bar. Castiel staunchly refused to enter, citing the fact that he’d have to remain sober in order to drive them, leaving Dean on his own. Before walking inside, Dean glanced in the side mirror, catching sight of his hat. It had been a smart purchase by Castiel, but probably not the best accessory for attracting a sexual partner. He tugged the hat off his head, frowning as he looked at his horns. They seemed far less intimidating than before. With a deep breath, Dean summoned a glamor to hide his horns.

Unfortunately, the action took more energy than he’d expected, and Dean had to steady himself against the car door before making his way to the bar. As Dean stepped inside, he felt at home with the dim lights and pounding music...although to be fair, bars were one of the few places on Earth that Dean visited regularly. It didn’t take long to find a cute guy making eyes at him. He had long, shaggy blonde hair and ordinary brown eyes. Basically, he was the absolute opposite of Cas. 

Perfect.

They ended up in the bathroom, Dean and the man whose name he hadn’t even bothered to learn. His hands were in Dean’s pants before the bathroom stall door closed. The whole thing felt good, it always did, but Dean couldn’t quite get into it, his heart heavy. He didn’t want to think about blondie, he wanted  _ Cas _ , with his strong arms and quiet sense of humor. The desire for Castiel was so strong that Dean couldn’t even finish, pulling away before anything truly fulfilling could happen. Stumbling out of the stall, Dean washed his hands, once, twice, three times, as though that would be enough to wash away No-Name and make room for Cas.

How could he not follow through? Dean had always prided himself on his ability to have sex with anyone. The only caveat had been when he was with Lisa, and even then, he’d been tempted a  _ lot _ ...she’d only gotten him to herself because they had sex  _ all the time _ . Now, however, he didn’t seem to want anyone but Castiel, and Castiel didn’t even want him! 

He couldn’t figure out why.

Dean didn’t say anything as he sat down in Castiel’s car, shaking his head to release the glamor, bringing the horns back into view. His messy hair and bruised neck, which Castiel’s gaze lingered on for far too long, gave a far different impression of what happened. Embarrassed, Dean pulled his hat back on, hoping it would cover the evidence, but it was too late. For a moment, they both sat in silence. Finally, Castiel turned the key in the ignition and the engine roared to life. 

“Did it help?” Castiel asked, not looking at Dean.

“Yeah,” Dean lied, staring down at his hands as they pulled out. What else was he supposed to say?  _ No, I couldn’t follow through because I just want the one person in the world who isn’t interested?  _ Yeah right.

“Great,” Castiel replied, though it sounded forced.

Dean knew he shouldn’t care this much about what Castiel thought. After all, if the guy wanted Dean all to himself, he should have, y’know, just had sex with Dean in the first place. As soon as Dean had that thought, however, he immediately regretted it. Sex with Castiel would have been awesome, he knew that for sure, but...then again...it wouldn’t have been sex with  _ Cas _ . He wouldn’t have actually met the guy, or learned that he snored softly, or could speak Latin, or enjoyed the bitter chill of the Pacific coast more than anything else in the world. Castiel not wanting sex was weirdly, part of his charm.

“Wait!” he shouted as Castiel shifted into reverse, and Castiel shifted back into park, staring up at Dean with a slight glare. Dean wavered under the gaze, which felt like it pierced into his soul, and whatever words he’d been thinking of dissolved in his mouth. “He’s not you,” Dean managed to blurt out, instantly cursing himself for saying something so stupidly cryptic. How would Castiel take it? As a condemnation, or--

Castiel leaned across the seat. He was close, his gaze something between hurt and hope. Dean leaned in closer, their noses nearly touched. “He’s not  _ you _ ,” Dean whispered again, trying to put emphasis on what he meant to say, though he knew he didn’t have the words for that. Didn’t know how to describe the feeling he’d had in that bathroom...no, the feelings he’d had in the restaurant, when Castiel had stared up at him and--

Chapped lips brushed against Dean’s own and Dean’s frantic train of thought froze. Castiel’s blue eyes stared up at Dean, he looked surprised at what he’d done. “Dean…” Castiel whispered, not pulling away, so Dean cupped Castiel’s cheek and kissed him back.

It was gentle and slow and Dean wondered if he opened his eyes, if he’d be able to see sparks lighting up the car. Tentatively, Dean deepened the kiss and to his surprise, Castiel followed along, his motions in sync with Dean’s. One calloused hand caressed Dean’s neck, the other slid into Dean’s hair and once again, Dean lost track of human time. Cas was kissing him.  _ Cas was kissing him _ . Everything was perfect and Cas was kissing him. Out of habit, Dean grabbed Castiel’s shirt, clumsily trying to unbutton it.

That’s when everything fell apart.

Castiel froze, then jerked away, his blue eyes wide, face light up by the bar’s neon sign. His cheeks were flushed and he was panting slightly, but the look on Castiel’s face made Dean’s heart sink.  _ Panic _ . 

“This was a mistake,” Castiel whispered, shifting the car into reverse and backing into the road so abruptly that they were almost hit by a red pick-up truck. The driver honked, but Castiel didn’t even seem to notice as he sped down the road. Under the glow of streetlights, Dean could see how Castiel clenched the steering wheel so tightly his knuckles turned white. 

Although Castiel made a point to stare down the interstate, Dean found he couldn’t look away. They had kissed. Castiel had even initiated it! And of course, Dean’s desire to have more had ruined the moment in a heartbeat. It would be a lie to say he didn’t want sex with Castiel, because of course he did. Dean wanted sex with most people, and Castiel was no exception. But as much as Dean wanted to explain that he respected Castiel’s decision...his boner would likely say otherwise.

Dean rubbed his hands over his eyes with a groan. Maybe Castiel was right, it was a bad idea. They weren’t going to have sex and by tomorrow, if everything went well, they wouldn’t ever see each other again. Once again, he felt the wish bloom in his chest: one more day with Castiel. Not that Castiel would want anything to do with him now.

Dean touched his fingertips to his lips, remembering the heat of Cas’ mouth on his.

“I’m sorry,” he said finally, eyes still trained on Castiel, who flinched. Dean’s heart ached, and the drive passed in a pained silence. Dean didn’t know what else to say. Was he allowed to tell Castiel he enjoyed their kiss? That it didn’t have to lead to sex?  _ But it does _ , a cruel part of Dean’s mind reminded him,  _ Sex is literally what you need to survive. _

For the first time in Dean’s existence, he wished he wasn’t an incubus.

“You’ll get everything you want soon,” Castiel’s soft voice interrupted the hum of the road.

_ What if what I want is you? _ Dean’s heart screamed, but he quieted it. He couldn’t want Castiel. It wasn’t possible, not when Castiel couldn’t give the only thing Dean needed. Not wanting to think about that unfortunate conundrum any longer than he had to, Dean decided to try to change the subject. “What do  _ you _ want?”

Castiel chewed his cheek. “Your survival.”

“I mean in general,” Dean asked, trying to ignore the chasm that had formed in his chest, an immediate consequence of the earth-shaking kiss. “What did you want before some demon showed up in your life?”

“I believe his name is Dean,” Castiel replied softly, though he smiled ever so slightly as he caught Dean’s eye for the first time since the kiss. It was electric; Dean could practically feel Castiel’s lips against his again. Castiel looked away quickly. “I didn’t really have anything,” he admitted.

“You had your magic shop, didn’t you?” Dean pressed, “That’s something.”

Castiel nodded hesitantly. “It was. And I love my coven, but…” he sighed, “I wish I could see more of the world.”

Dean grinned. “So this whole summoning thing isn’t all bad.”

“Oh, definitely. Seeing California in dark is everything I’ve ever wanted,” Castiel quipped dryly, “I’m counting down the minutes before the lonely drive back to my coastal hometown.”

Without meaning to, Dean barked a laugh. He and Castiel exchanged another glance at the sound, it seemed Castiel was just as surprised at the sound. “Is...was that okay?” Dean asked, oddly unsure.

“Absolutely,” Castiel agreed, and just like that, the tension dissolved.

“So, you think it’s gonna be a  _ lonely _ drive? You aren’t gonna miss me, are you, Cas?” Dean ribbed, although a small part of him braced for the answer.

Castiel rolled his eyes. “It would be lonely regardless,” he said, and Dean’s heart sank. Of course, just another logistical aspect of Castiel’s lengthy mistake. “But I can’t say I won’t be sad to see you go.”

Oh.  _ Oh _ . Dean knew he shouldn’t let himself get carried away, but he couldn’t help but feel like soaring at the news. “Well, I’m probably your hottest friend,” he said with a grin, “So it’ll definitely be a loss.”

“Gross,” Castiel groaned, “Must you cheapen the moment?”

“You didn’t deny it,” Dean waggled his eyebrows.

“Deny what?”

“That I’m your hottest friend,” Dean repeated smugly. Jokes and sex, those were two of his best ways to run from his feelings. It was surprising, honestly, that he hadn’t stumbled into stand-up comedy after losing Sam. Instead, he’d self medicated with so much sex he nearly burst, so. Maybe not a healthy option either.

“That seems unfair,” Castiel complained, “You’re supernaturally attractive! Not to mention, you’ve met so many people that if the tables were turned, I wouldn’t even make it on your list of hottest friends.”

“If the tables were turned, you’d be at the top of the list,” Dean answered quickly. Too quickly, from the look of shock on Castiel’s face. His blue eyes were widen, though they softened to an endearing smile.  _ Abort! _ He couldn’t go falling for some human, especially not some human who didn’t want sex, and yet the emotions flitting across Castiel’s face made Dean feel like he was melting inside.

“Bet you say that to all your bonds,” Castiel said finally, eyes flitting between Dean and the road.

“Bet you do too,” Dean retorted clumsily. It wasn’t a particularly great deflection, but he was grasping at straws. All he needed was something, anything to distract from Castiel’s infectious smile. They fell into a comfortable silence after that, Dean fiddling with his hat, which sat in his lap after the bar incident.

“What do you want?” Castiel asked, glancing over at Dean. “You asked me, but I never asked you.”

Dean pondered the question. What  _ did _ he want? The hunger told him  _ sex _ , which was the same answer he’d give most people...but Castiel wasn’t exactly “most people.” Dean also wanted Castiel, but he wasn’t about to admit as much. Dean opened his mouth, unsure how to answer, when another idea came to him. “My brother,” he replied.

“You have a brother?” Castiel asked with interest, “I didn’t realize incubi had family.”

“They don’t. I, uh...I’m not sure  _ how  _ it happened, but...I met this siren, Sam. He and I have similar MOs, and we used to, uh, feed on humans together. Not  _ together _ , together,” Dean added quickly, “But...y’know…”

He waved his hand, as though that would explain it, and Castiel nodded seriously. “So...you being stuck on on Earth right now isn’t just hard because of your hunger,” Castiel ventured, “But because you know your brother’s waiting for you in your realm.”

Ouch. “Not...anymore.”

“Oh, Dean,” Castiel’s voice was tender, and he even reached a hand out to clasp Dean’s shoulder. “I’m so sorry for your loss.”

“He’s not dead,” Dean said quickly. He didn’t like the thought of lying to Castiel, although it was true, he’d mourned Sam’s disappearance as if it was a death, “At least, probably not dead. He...decided to come to Earth. Give up his immortality.”

“ _ What? _ ”

“Sam met a girl who was...immune to his songs,” Dean said softly, “She came out to the water anyway, but not to sleep with him. She was trying to pull him out of the ocean...thought he was drowning, I guess. Sam was so shocked, he let her drag him onto land. Next thing I know, we keep going to that same beach, and Sam keeps meeting this girl. Even though it’s dangerous for him to be on land! He’s bound to the sea when he’s not in our realm, too long on land could kill him.”

Dean sighed, running a hand across his face to keep from choking up. “I begged Sam to move on, find another beach, feed on girls who were actually entranced by him, but Sam, well…” Dean huffed, “I don’t know. Somehow, he fell in love. And he, uh...he figured out a way to become human so he could be with her.”

“Oh.” It was clear Castiel didn’t know a good way to respond to Dean’s monologue. 

“Except being human, it’s stupid,” Dean continued. He hadn’t talked about this to anyone, but after starting, Dean couldn’t seem to stop, “You get old. You...you  _ die _ . I told him if he became human, I wouldn’t speak to him again, and…” Dean shook his head, “I haven’t.”

“ _ Oh _ ,” Castiel drew in a sharp breath, then added sadly, “Of course. Why would anyone give up immortality?”

It seemed like an odd comment to make. Dean thought about the story, wondering why immortality was Castiel’s focus. Maybe Castiel was looking to be immortal? Dean was about to agree with him--of course, why  _ would _ anyone give up their immortality--but the words died in his mouth. 

 

The response had been habit, the result of treasuring immortality for so many years, but now...Dean wasn’t sure how he felt about choosing immortality over everything. Over  _ everyone _ . Now, more than ever, Dean could feel the strange gaping chasm in his chest, the odd feeling of division and emptiness that had begun to haunt him ever since Castiel had been thrust in his life.

 

“Good thing your story will be different,” Castiel mustered a smile, “You’ll be free and soon, I’ll be an unfortunate tangle in the long strand of your existence.”

 

The chasm in Dean’s chest rumbled, cracking his heart open in a way he couldn’t quite explain.


	5. Some Good Ol' Fashioned Bed Sharing

Castiel was an absolute idiot. There was no way around it, he’d gone and done the stupidest thing imaginable. Even now, hours away from that bar parking lot, Castiel couldn’t help but remember Dean’s lips on his, his tongue in Castiel’s mouth. It was plenty clear Dean knew what he was doing. That was, without a doubt, the best kiss Castiel had ever experienced; it still made him red in the face to think of it. 

Unfortunately, it did nothing to squash the ever growing assortment of  _ feelings _ he had accumulated about Dean.

In a magical world, that kiss would have continued, stopping only for Dean to pull away and tell Castiel breathlessly that he no longer wanted to be an incubus. It wasn’t a particularly  _ fair _ daydream, though, and Castiel knew it. Asking Dean to stop being an incubus would be like asking him to stop being asexual. They were just two vastly different people who were destined to be together only a short time, and that was a fact that Castiel was painfully reminded of when Dean tried to unbutton his shirt. Dean wanted sex. He  _ needed _ sex. And Castiel, by kissing him, had implied he wanted the same thing. 

Castiel was an absolute idiot. 

He spent much of the drive trying to bury the feelings that had blossomed with that stupidly perfect kiss, even more so when Dean revealed just how much he loved being an incubus. It was almost shocking, learning that Dean abandoned his only family, and Castiel wondered if Gabriel would do the same with him. Or would Castiel be the one abandoning Gabriel? Both options made his heart ache, and Castiel promised himself he’d never leave Gabriel on the off chance he was offered immortality. But for Dean, survival outweighed the familial relationships, and he decided to grieve his brother then and there. 

Really, that revelation was the final nail on the coffin where Castiel had left his feelings to die. Dean wanted to be an incubus more than anything in the world. If he didn’t set that aside for his brother, he certainly wouldn’t be setting it aside for a man he’d known for less than a week. Once he was free of the bond, Dean could go on with his life, and Castiel, well, he’d figure out how to pick up the pieces of his heart. It was Castiel’s own damn fault for falling in love with a  _ sex demon _ in the first place.

By the time they reached Stanford, it was late. Between the driving and his warring emotions, Castiel was exhausted. To his surprise, Dean was actually asleep, slumped against the door and snoring softly. Castiel nudged him awake as he pulled onto the off ramp. “We’re here,” he said quietly, “Where do we go now?”

Dean rubbed his eyes with a groan. “Stanford.”

“We’re here,” Castiel repeated gently, “But Stanford is rather large and I’m not sure where we go from here.”

“Bed.”

Castiel squinted at Dean. Was it possible the incubus was actually tired? He didn’t know that much about the species, maybe they could actually get tired. Or, maybe it was the bond--and the lack of sex--making Dean exhausted. How much longer could Dean last without sex? Dean’s starvation was all the more reason, of course, to find where they needed to be, but Castiel wasn’t sure he’d be able to do it alone. He, too, was exhausted. 

Relenting, Castiel found a motel not far from the campus. By the time he’d paid for a room, Dean had fallen asleep in the car again, and Castiel had to guide him out of his seat and towards the motel room. As fate would have it, they were again stuck with a room with only one bed. Dean stumbled towards the bed, collapsing on it as Castiel surveyed the room. This place, at least, had normal looking carpet, although it still smelled slightly musty. Castiel sniffed the armchair and sighed with relief when he discovered it didn’t carry any odor of cat urine. At least there was that.

Besides, it didn’t matter if he was well-rested tomorrow. They were in Stanford now. All he’d have to do was drive a short amount to...wherever they were going, get unbonded from Dean, then spend the rest of the day enjoying California before the inevitable drive home. It might even be relaxing. Or as relaxing as a day could be when it likely involved some sort of magical ceremony.

Regardless, that would be tomorrow. Tonight, he rested. Castiel curled up on the armchair, too tired to even bother taking off his shoes, and tried to sleep. Despite his exhaustion, however, he found it hard to settle in, squirming into different positions in the vain hopes of falling asleep. He’d all but given up when Dean spoke.

“Cas?” Dean croaked, sitting up in bed. His eyes still glowed, which looked uncanny in the darkened motel room. 

“I’ll be quiet,” Cas whispered, wondering how unsanitary it would be to sleep on the ancient carpet.

“You can sleep in the bed,” Dean said, patting the comforter.

“I think you need it more,” Castiel replied. Since it was Castiel who summoned Dean, and Castiel who subsequently tried to starve him, Dean certainly  _ deserved _ the bed more than he did.

Dean was quiet for a minute, then the sheets rustled. “It’s a big bed,” Dean said, shifting over to the far edge of the bed, “You could sleep on the other side.”

“Dean…” Castiel sighed.

“We wouldn’t even have to touch,” Dean continued, “It’s a pretty big bed.”

“I’m not sleeping with you.”

“It’s not  _ sleeping _ with me,” Dean insisted, “Just...well...sleeping  _ near _ me.”

Castiel hesitated. The bed would certainly be easier to sleep in than the armchair. But he didn’t want to give Dean any more wrong ideas, he’d already done plenty of that with the kiss. He shifted in the armchair, which creaked. 

“You’re exhausted,” Dean continued, “And knowing you, you’ll let me have the bed regardless so...please just share it with me.”

Dean’s pleading tone, coupled with Castiel’s painful need for sleep, was enough to get Castiel out of the armchair. He kicked off his shoes clumsily and stumbled onto the bed. Dean was right, there was plenty of space for them to sleep without touching each other. Exhausted, Castiel slid under the covers. “Thank you,” he whispered. 

“No problem,” Dean said softly, “G’night Cas.” Within minutes, Castiel was fast asleep.

When he awoke, it was very pleasant. At first, Castiel attributed it to the fact he’d been able to sleep in a bed, but as he became more aware of his surroundings, he became intensely aware of the warm mass against his back. Dean had ended up pressed against Castiel, his face nestled near the crook of Castiel’s neck. His breath came out in soft, warm puffs against Castiel’s skin. Dean’s arm was draped over Castiel’s side, his chest rising and falling along Castiel’s back, and Castiel could say, without a shadow of a doubt, that it was the most wonderful way for a person to wake. 

Another wave of affection for Dean bloomed in Castiel’s heart, followed immediately by sorrow. For every wonderful moment with Dean, Castiel would have another heartbreak, another glorious memory to be tainted by sadness when Dean was gone for good. Castiel weighed his options. He could move, thus saving him from future pain, or he could stay here...wrapped in the heavenly presence that was Dean’s arm…

And then he felt Dean’s lips against his neck.

“G’morning baby,” Dean mumbled, still mostly asleep as he pressed gentle kisses along Castiel’s neck, “Forgot how nice it was to stay till morning.”

Castiel froze, unsure what to do. His traitorous heart fluttered wildly, shivers running down his back from where Dean kissed him. Dean moved up Castiel’s neck, teeth scraping gently against Castiel’s earlobe. “ _ Dean _ ,” Castiel squeaked, torn between horror and ecstasy, and the sound was enough to wake Dean up entirely.

Dean scrambled away from Castiel, face red. Castiel sat up, his cheeks a similar shade. “I-I didn’t realize I’d do stuff in my sleep, I,” Dean ran a hand through his outrageously sleep-rumbled hair, “I am  _ so sorry _ , I didn’t...you must be...I’m so sorry,” he repeated again.

“It’s okay,” Castiel said, trying to calm Dean down. Without thinking, he added, “It was nice.”

They stared at each other. Dean’s jaw hung open, trying to process what he’d just heard while Castiel hoped he’d sink into the floor. Of all the things to say, he said  _ that? _ Castiel had always prided himself in being in control, only speaking after he’d formulated the proper response. Being bonded to Dean sure brought out Castiel’s impulsive decisions. 

To his surprise, however, Dean didn’t make any lewd comments, or insinuate that they ought to sleep together. Instead, he tugged his hat back onto his head and said, “You know what’s nicer?  _ Bacon _ . I want a whole plate of it. With those crispy potatoes, too, if humans still make them.”

Castiel relaxed, smiling slightly. Dean had a surprising ability to shift the focus away from difficult things. “Hash browns?” Castiel asked, sliding out of bed to head to the bathroom. His hair was messy, but nothing he couldn’t tame with some water (mostly).

“Yes!” Dean called out, “Humans have  _ fantastic _ breakfasts!”

Relieved the tension was gone, Castiel closed the bathroom door so he could use the toilet. When he’d finished his morning preparations, he came out to find Dean had turned on the ancient television. He was watching cartoons intently, a broad smile on his face. “I forgot about this aspect of humanity,” Dean said, pointing at the television, “There’s a lot I miss out on when I’m only here for feeding.”

“If this blows your mind,” Castiel replied, hunting down his shoes, which he’d kicked off more aggressively than he thought the night before, “You should see some of the wonders of the world.”

“Like what?”

“Technically there are seven, like the pyramids in Egypt,” Castiel explained as he pulled on a shoe, “But in reality there’s so many amazing things to see. The day I saw a whale up close…” he beamed at the memory, “Incredible.”

“I want to see a whale!” Dean said, his gave wavering between the television and Castiel. “Can we see one after breakfast?”

Castiel squinted at Dean. Was it a joke? Could he still be distracting them from the... _ bed incident? _ Surely Dean, who was the one starving for lack of sex, wouldn’t be advocating they drop everything to find a whale. “I’m sure you can see one after we’ve broken the bond,” he said hesitantly.

To his surprise, Dean’s grin drooped slightly. “Yeah,” he cleared his throat, turning his eyes back onto the television, “We can, uh, break it after breakfast.”

“About that,” Castiel ventured. He hadn’t spoken much about it because Dean hadn’t been forthcoming. Which was fine, Castiel didn’t want to be their entire drive to be an awkward interrogation, but now...they were mere hours away. Castiel had a right to know what was coming...didn’t he? “What does this entail? Should I be preparing for anything?”

“We can talk about it after breakfast.” By now, Dean’s gaze didn’t leave the screen.

Castiel wavered, tying his second shoe. Maybe, after being plied with bacon and hash browns, Dean would be in a better mood, and more likely to talk. Castiel did a quick sweep of the room, ensuring they hadn’t forgotten anything while Dean watched cartoons in silence. “Let’s find a place to eat, then,” Castiel said finally, and Dean hopped to his feet.

“Only if there’s bacon!” Dean reminded him as the left the motel room.

They ended up at Joanie’s Cafe, which advertised breakfast for all hours of the day. Dean first tried to order  _ all the bacon _ , then  _ five servings _ , then--

“He’ll have the eggs and hashbrowns,” Castiel interrupted, “With one order of bacon on the side.”

“Two orders,” Dean said quickly.

Castiel sighed. “Fine, two. And I’ll have the oatmeal,” he added, thanking the waitress as she left their table. 

“Why only two?” Dean pouted, “I  _ like _ bacon.”

“Two is plenty,” Castiel replied mildly, “Although I’m not entirely sure what  _ happens _ to the food when it enters your body.”

Dean shrugged. “It’s a mystery, for sure. But a delicious mystery.”

Castiel laughed, although the thought of how Dean wasn’t actually getting fed soured his mood slightly. “How are you feeling?”

“Bit tired,” Dean admitted, “Getting hungrier, too, but I can hold out.”

“I’m sorry.”

Now it was Dean’s chance to look annoyed. “Don’t be. This has been nice.” 

It felt like a repeat of that morning. Dean certainly looked as red as he had before, tugging on his goofy hat as he avoided eye contact with Castiel. Castiel considered teasing him, it would be so easy, and yet...their time together was so limited, it seemed like a waste. “It has,” Castiel agreed quietly, which seemed to make Dean turn even  _ more _ red, if that was possible.

His heart fluttered again. That seemed to be the normal state of Castiel since meeting Dean, his heart trembling like a bird ready to take flight. To avoid thinking about the emotion, he implored Dean to tell another one of historic stories, and Dean, thankfully, obliged. This time, he talked about how he’d managed to sleep with an entire group of Roman soldiers, accidentally saving their lives by ensuring they weren’t on the front lines.

“You could say that my dick is a life saver,” Dean finished loudly, earning them both a strange look from the waitress, who had returned with their breakfast. Castiel’s bowl of oatmeal was topped with blueberries, nuts and brown sugar and Dean’s plate was stacked with bacon, which he started into with gusto.

“Want one?” Dean asked, holding out a strip of bacon under Castiel’s nose. 

Castiel took it gingerly. “Been a while since I’ve eaten one of these,” he admitted, biting into it tentatively. “It’s not bad.”

“Not bad?” Dean dug into his hash browns, mouth full, “It’s the greatest thing on the planet!”

“I thought you thought you were the greatest thing on the planet?” Castiel retorted, wiping the grease onto his napkin before digging into his oatmeal. It was a little sweet, but not terrible. The blueberries, thankfully, added to the flavor.

“Aw, hell no,” Dean alternated between the hash browns and the bacon, not even bothering to touch his eggs, “I can’t eat myself.”

“Naturally.”

“Does that mean  _ you _ think I’m the greatest thing on the planet?” Dean grinned as he finished off his last piece of bacon.

“Hardly,” Castiel rolled his eyes, “A nice ass isn’t enough to bump you above the whale I saw.”

“So you think I’ve got a nice ass?” Dean smirked and waggled his eyebrows. Castiel found himself suddenly  _ very _ interested in his oatmeal, poking around the bowl with what he hoped was the illusion of intent. Dean laughed again, and Castiel smiled. Breakfast was better with Dean and Castiel wondered how he’d go about daily life without that added brightness. Gabriel tried to be upbeat, of course, but Gabriel was more of a know-it-all. Dean was...sunshine. But Dean was going to be gone soon, possibly even before lunch. 

“What happens next?” Castiel asked quietly as he finished off the last of his oatmeal. Dean had been done for a little while, complaining about his eggs until Castiel ordered him another serving of bacon. Now, however, their meal had slowed down, leaving only the inevitable.

“We gotta find a guy.”

“Who?”

Dean shifted uncomfortably in his seat, poking his fork into a puddle of syrup he’d upended on his plate after the waitress mentioned it tasted good on bacon. Castiel felt his heartbeat quicken. Had there been a reason all along that Dean was hiding this information? “Dean?” Castiel pressed, “Are they going to hurt you? Or...me?”

“What?” Dean dropped his fork, “No, of course not.”

“Then who is it?” Castiel pushed. There was nothing to hide behind now, no long road or sleepy night or breakfast. 

Dean looked down at his lap. “My brother. Sam.”

Castiel gaped. “Your  _ brother? _ ”

“He’s really nice--”

“You said you didn’t know when he became human... _ ” _ Castiel said slowly.

Dean tugged on his hat tassels again. “I lied...about the time. It’s been five years.”

“And you’ve visited him since then?” Castiel asked hesitantly, irritation prickling.

“Well...no. But he left me near Stanford, so...”

“Then he could be  _ anywhere! _ ” Castiel cried. Anger bubbled in his chest. Dean could have sent them on a wild goose chase, why on Earth had he lied to Castiel for so long? Castiel slammed his hand on the table. “He could be dead for all we know!”

Castiel knew he was starting to make a scene, but he couldn’t help it. The waitress had left with his credit card, they were stuck waiting until she returned. And Castiel couldn’t keep it in. “Why would you tell me to go here? We could have stayed at my home, where my coven could help!”

“Your coven could have tried to kill me!” Dean snapped, “I panicked!”

“What on  _ Earth _ gave you the impression I was going to murder you?” Castiel shouted.

“I don’t know!” Dean cried, “I told you, I panicked.”

The waitress had returned, this time looking horrified, and Castiel snatched the card back, leaving a full $20 bill on the table as a tip as he stormed out of the restaurant. Dean ran to catch up. “Stanford was the last place Sam was, I thought it would be a good place to start, and--” he shut his mouth quickly.

Castiel wheeled on him, grabbing Dean by the shirt and slamming him against the car. “And?” he hissed furiously.

“And I thought I could seduce you before we made it,” Dean said softly, staring at Castiel’s hands, “Avoid the whole thing.”

The fire blazing in Castiel’s chest was doused abruptly. He knew that was why Dean was on Earth, he knew that was Dean’s method of doing anything, and yet, after all they’d been through, Castiel had foolishly allowed himself to think he might be special. But of course, it made perfect sense that a demon would lie to him, send them on a wild goose chase and try to seduce him. Dean had probably lied about the bed sharing, too, hoping to catch Castiel unawares when he was still half asleep. And the worst part? Castiel had  _ bought his act _ . In a flash of anger, he balled his fist, only changing his mind mid-swing to slam it against the car instead.

His knuckles split and pain coursed through his arm.  _ Good _ . 

Dean looked horrified. “Cas, I--”

“ _ Don’t _ talk,” Castiel said, letting go of Dean as he made his way to the driver’s side of the car. “Get in.”

“Cas, you gotta believe me--”

“I don’t believe a damn thing you say,” Castiel snarled as Dean sat down in shotgun. Emotions swirled through him as his hand throbbed. Anger, yes, but mostly hurt. Betrayal. Castiel could feel the affection that had been growing for Dean burst into flames. 

At least breaking the bond wouldn’t hurt anymore.


	6. Catch Me in a Library

What was it about Stanford that made Dean’s world shatter? Losing Sam had come as a surprise. They’d always been in the whole business of  _ living forever _ together, and to see Sam decide to give it all up for a girl he’d barely known was...horrifying. Dean had screamed at the sea until his throat gave out, cursing and begging and crying so loudly that several passersby thought he was drunk. Just like that, Sam had ripped himself from Dean’s world, and all the pillars in his mind had crumbled.

Now it was losing Castiel. Dean wasn’t sure what he’d expected a best case scenario to be. They’d find Sam, that was for sure, and Sam would be happy to see them. He’d also have an easy way to break their bond and Cas would...want to keep in touch? Give Dean one last, deep kiss? Decide, inexplicably, that he’d like to sleep with Dean after all?

No, deep down Dean knew he wished for Castiel to declare he had feelings for Dean. And Sam would know how to make Dean human, and he’d be able to stay with Cas forever and... _ damn, what a stupid daydream _ .

The entire scenario was impossible. Even if Dean could become human, it was clear Castiel would want nothing to do with him. It had hurt to see the betrayal in Castiel’s eyes, and hurt even worse to watch Castiel decide against punching Dean.

If anyone deserved to be in pain, it was Dean.

He wanted to explain that his plan had been stupid. He should have told Castiel about Sam earlier. More importantly, though, Dean wished he could convey to Castiel the reality of the seduction plan: that he’d stopped trying the moment he carried Castiel to bed that first night together. Everything that had followed happened because Dean had done something stupider than try to seduce Castiel. He’d fallen for him. Not that it mattered now; it was clear any potential feelings Castiel had towards Dean were lost.

“Where are we going?” Dean asked quietly as Castiel sped down the road. Where could they go? It’s not like Dean had an address for Sam. He didn’t even have a general location aside from ‘the shoreline.’ 

“Stanford,” Castiel said sharply. “It’s a needle in the haystack, but it’s our only lead.” He was quiet for a moment, and Dean so desperately wanted to interrupt with his explanation, but Castiel added, “Do you happen to know if he gave himself a last name?”

A spark of hope. As fate would have it, Dean and Sam had given themselves a last name...sort of. In their home realm, the name would have meant nothing, but on Earth it gave them some validity and made them feel like they were brothers. Of course, there was no guarantee that Sam had chosen to use the last name, especially given how Dean had treated him, but it was their only lead. Dean desperately wanted to make things up to Castiel. 

“Winchester,” Dean said, “We thought it sounded cool, since it’s a gun and everything.”

“Even your fake last name is an innuendo,” Castiel grumbled, “Why am I not surprised?”

“At least it’s probably cooler than your last name,” Dean shot back breezily, trying to restore an ounce of humor in the car. Castiel’s scowl deepened, however, and Dean regretted saying anything. At least he had the foresight to avoid turning on the radio. Driving in silence wasn’t great, but it would have to do.

Dean wondered how Castiel intended to find Sam. The city was huge, finding one guy would be a miracle. Or...an act of magic. Of course! “You’re a witch, aren’t you?” Dean blurted out, “So you can use magic to find him!”

Castiel gave Dean a dirty side-eye. “Magic doesn’t  _ work _ that way,” he snapped, “I can’t just summon someone with a first name. I’d need a sample of his hair or fingernails, something from his body...and preferably a full, true name.”

“Oh.” Dean rubbed his neck. “How’d you summon me, then?”

“You’re a creature,” Castiel rolled his eyes, “Different rules apply.”

_ Creature _ . Dean felt the word pierce his heart. He knew he wasn’t human, the horns were giveaway enough of that, but the way Castiel said it...Dean didn’t like Castiel thinking of him like that. It wasn’t particularly fair, either, Dean thought grumpily. He had resisted the temptation to sleep with Castiel for days, Cas ought to know as much.

The irritation died as quickly as it had appeared. Castiel hadn’t exactly asked for their situation either. “I am sorry, you know,” Dean said quietly, too afraid to see the expression on Castiel’s face to look in his direction, “It wasn’t fair.”

“It wasn’t,” Castiel agreed, and left the conversation at that. Dean hung his head miserably, trying not to think about how badly he’d fucked things up.

Eventually, Castiel parked the car. He left without saying a word, leaving Dean to jog to catch up. The hunger was weakening him faster than he’d expected; even the short distance left Dean winded. How much longer could he last? “Where are we going?” Dean panted when he’d made it back to Castiel’s side.

“Library,” Castiel said, “There are a number on campus, but,” he hesitated, “Google said this was the main one.”

Dean wasn’t entirely sure who  _ Google _ was, but Castiel seemed to trust them. Besides, even if Dean had another idea--which he didn’t--Castiel wasn’t going to be listening to him for a while. As they walked, Dean could feel the tension emanating from Castiel, his face looking more lined than ever, blue eyes cold. Despite this, however, Dean felt the strangest urge to hold Castiel’s hand. Let him know he wasn’t alone.

Why on earth would he think about that kind of intimacy? For one thing, Dean felt he should really be obsessing more over sex. It was  _ literally _ what was keeping him alive. He’d just spent the last few days resisting the desire to sleep with Castiel, but now, even with the hunger half-overwhelming Dean, the only touch he really wanted was Castiel’s hand in his. Dean clenched his fist to keep from reaching for Castiel, no doubt Castiel wanted nothing to do with him now, but Dean couldn’t help but blurt out:

“I don’t want to sleep with you.”

Castiel stopped so abruptly Dean nearly ran into him. “What?” Castiel asked, not turning to look at Dean. “Nice try.”

“Honestly, Cas, I don’t want to sleep with you,” Dean repeated loudly, surprising himself by how earnest the statement was.  _ That _ got some curious head turns from passersby, but, more importantly, it got a head turn from Castiel. 

“I mean…” Dean amended, “Would it be cool if you wanted sex? Yes. But you don’t and...I don’t. I’d rather go hungry. And if I could go hungry for weeks and months to be bonded with you, I think I’d do it.” By now, Dean was rambling, but he couldn’t seem to stop. “And I know my plan was to seduce you, but I think I didn’t tell you about Sam afterwards because I kept thinking about how all I wanted was one more day with you. So, yes. I was stupid and selfish, but please...let me have this day with you.”

It was clumsy and probably hard to hear (and certainly not what Dean expected to say to Castiel) but to his surprise, Castiel extended a hand and interlaced his fingers with Dean’s. “This doesn’t change anything,” Castiel whispered grumpily, but his shoulders relaxed and he looked slightly less on edge. Dean smiled softly.

They walked through campus in silence, pausing every so often for Castiel to get his bearings and lead them to the library in question. Dean gasped when he saw it. The building was old, with solid stone pillars at the entrance. For the first time since losing Sam, Dean genuinely felt happy for his brother. Sam had always been fascinated with human knowledge...he would have loved a place like this.

Castiel let go of Dean’s hand as he entered the building. Dean instantly missed the warmth and weight of it, but he followed behind, drinking in the sight of the library. The interior was even more incredible, and Dean felt another pang of bittersweet when he thought of how Sam must have felt walking into the building for the first time. If Sam  _ had _ . It was possible all of this was a wild goose chase.

Eventually, they approached a desk, at which sat a girl with fiery red hair and bright yellow headphones coiled around her neck. She wore a dark blue t-shirt with two golden triangles, one inside the other, emblazoned on her chest. A name tag pinned to her chest read “Charlie.”

“Hello!” she said brightly, setting down the book she’d been reading, “How can I help you?” Her smile wavered when she looked at Dean and for a moment she looked slightly confused before regaining her cheerful composure.

“I was wondering if you had records of all the past and present students here,” Castiel said bluntly. 

Charlie’s smile faltered. “I’m sorry,” she said, “We don’t actually show those to the general public.”

“You don’t understand,” Castiel growled, stepping towards the desk, “I  _ need _ to see those records.” 

For the first time since Castiel had gotten angry, Dean could see the desperation behind his eyes. Perhaps it had always been there...was he desperate to get rid of Dean, or desperate to save him? Without thinking, Dean grabbed Castiel’s hand again, gently tugging him away from the desk. To his surprise, Castiel didn’t resist.

With Castiel calmed, slightly, Dean stepped forwards, his hand still holding tight to Castiel’s. “Please,” he begged, “I need to find my brother. Sam Winchester?”

To his surprise, Charlie’s eyes widened. “Ho-ly shit,” she said slowly, looking from Castiel to Dean and back again. “You’re Sam’s brother?”

“You  _ know _ him?” Castiel sounded absolutely shocked, his hand slack in Dean’s. Clearly, he hadn’t expected it to be this easy. Dean hadn’t either. It really shouldn’t be this easy...but, maybe if bad things could happen accidentally (like being summoned to a rare being who was immune to Dean’s charms) then perhaps good things might happen accidentally too.

“Are you sure it’s the same one?” Castiel regained his composure quickly. “There are a lot of Sams.”

“True,” Charlie said, looking back at Dean, “But not a lot of Sams out there with monster brothers.” She glanced at Dean again, and Dean realized she was looking slightly above him.

Dean brought his other hand to his head in horror. The hat was gone, it had likely tumbled off his head when he’d run to catch up with Castiel, leaving his horns exposed. Dean touched them nervously, although they seemed much smaller. Far less noticeable than before...although small horns were still horns. He exchanged panicked glances with Castiel, who, to his surprise, squeezed his hand gently. Was there magic in Castiel’s hands? Because Dean instantly felt more calm.

“It’s fine,” Charlie said, “I know plenty about monsters. My girlfriend’s a witch.”

Castiel perked up. “What kind?”

“She doesn’t subscribe to any one faction,” Charlie replied cheerfully, “Although lately she’s been getting into a lot of weather related--”

“--you know my brother?” Dean interrupted, feeling oddly exposed. “Sam Winchester, the…” he dropped his voice, “ _ siren? _ ”

Charlie turned her attention to Dean, eyeing him suspiciously. “I don’t just know him,” she said, “He was one of my best friends,” she paused. “And if you’re his brother...sorry, but didn’t you abandon him?” Her voice held an edge of accusation.

Dean hung his head. He didn’t want to think about how much he’d hurt Sam. “I know, and I’m sorry. I’ll make it up to him, I  _ swear _ ,” he added, feeling the pinch of hunger even more fiercely, “but I  _ need _ to find him.”

“He’d be proud of your decision, you know,” Charlie said quietly, looking from Dean to Castiel, “Choosing to stay with someone when--oh, welcome!” she called out to another girl who’d entered the library, “Let me know if you need any help!”

Dean had no time to think about what Charlie meant by  _ proud of your decision _ as he felt instantly aware of his horns again, putting up a hand in an awkward attempt to try to hide them as the girl wandered past. Charlie shook her head. “It’s California, dude. There’s plenty of weird people around. Nobody’s gonna think twice about your horns.”

That wasn’t a particularly reassuring answer, Dean hoped he could find his hat when they left the library, but he had a more pressing issue. “Do you know where Sam is?” Dean asked. “I really need to find him soon.”

Charlie chuckled knowingly. “Oh, to be freshly in love again,” she smiled at him knowingly, although Dean had no clue what she was referring to, “I’m sure he’d love to hear the big news...I’ve actually got his phone number, if you...do you have a phone?”

Big news? Dean couldn’t help but wonder if Charlie was misreading the situation. He bit down on his cheek to keep from smiling at the insane thought of he and Castiel as an actual couple. Even if he’d found Charlie, who knew Sam, good things couldn’t happen  _ that _ often in a row, right?

“I have a phone,” Castiel said.

“But I, actually, I gotta get to where he lives,” Dean insisted. Breaking the bond was going to have to be an in person situation and, besides...it felt cheap to contact Sam for the first time in five years by telephone. 

“Dramatic,” Charlie winked, “I approve. Unfortunately, Sam graduated last year...I think he and his wife moved to Seattle? I probably could get the address if you want it, though.”

Dean felt his world start to spin. Sam wasn’t  _ here? _ Had they really come all this way for nothing? He really had lead Castiel on a wild goose chase, pushing them impulsively into the unknown when they might have been able to locate Sam from the comfort of Castiel’s home. If he hadn’t been so selfish, Castiel could have already been freed of the bond. He appreciated Castiel’s hand in his, because it felt like the ground was seconds from crumbling under his feet.

“ _ Seattle? _ ” Castiel gasped, aghast, “That’s a three hour drive from where I live.”

He didn’t say it aloud, but Dean knew what he meant. If they’d been smart about it, they could have found Sam earlier. The bond would have been broken before Dean could betray Castiel. Worse, they were now a full day’s drive away from the one person who could help them. It was too much to think about, and Dean succumbed to the darkness that was filling his vision.

\---

_ “ _ Dean?  _ Dean? _ ”

Dean awoke to his name being called. His head throbbed and his whole body ached. Apparently the not eating was starting to catch up with him. Even trying to open his eyes seemed like too much effort. Exhausted, Dean submitted to laying on the cold floor, wondering vaguely how long he’d been out.

“Should I call an ambulance?” someone cried.

“No!” Castiel and Charlie called out together.

“I’ve got to take care of these crowds,” Charlie said softly, “People are starting to stare.”

“Please, Dean,” Castiel’s warm hands caressed Dean’s cheeks. “You have to wake up.”

Contact with Castiel, strangely, seemed to give him the strength needed to open his eyes. Castiel was kneeling over Dean, his blue eyes rimmed with red. “Dean!” Castiel cried, “Are you okay?”

Dean mustered a smile. “Never better,” he croaked.

“Asshole,” Castiel retorted, but unlike before, there was no vitriol in his voice. Dean’s heart skipped a beat at the sound. “You need to get up.”

“Not sure ‘bout that,” Dean admitted, though, with Castiel’s help, he was able to get himself to standing. He was wobbly and his heart pounded, although both of those might also have to do with the fact that Castiel was propping him up. Dean’s arm was slung around Castiel’s shoulder and Castiel had a strong arm around his waist.  _ Damn _ , it was nice. He should have passed out ages ago.

“Do you need to eat again?” Castiel asked worriedly as he helped Dean walk to a nearby armchair. He set Dean down, and Dean leaned against the cushions. Surprising, he’d managed to hold out this long without noticing just how bad it was. In the other realm, his home, Dean could go ages without feeding, but here...well, Earth was different.

Dean huffed a laugh. “Don’t really got an appetite for that right now.”

“But you can,” Castiel insisted, hovering around Dean as though he expected him to pass out again. “At the bar…”

“Didn’t get too far with that guy.”

“ _ What? _ ” The expression of shock on Castiel’s face would have been funny if Dean wasn’t so tired.

“He...wasn’t you, y’know?” Dean cracked a smile, “I thought you got that, you dork.”

“I thought...shit, Dean, I thought you fed…” Castiel ran a hand through his hair, eyes watering, “You haven’t eaten for  _ days _ .”

“Not true!” Dean protested, “I have had some pretty divine bacon lately.”

This did nothing to cheer Castiel, who looked an awful lot like he might pass out too. Castiel ran a shaky hand across his face, dashing tears away. He didn’t speak, in fact, Castiel seemed pretty lost in thought. 

“Dudes, what happened?” Charlie’s voice came from behind him, and Dean jumped in his seat. “Sorry,” Charlie sat on a coffee table so she’d face the two of them. “So, what happened?”

“Don’t you have a help desk to run?” Dean asked, confused.

Charlie shrugged. “Got someone to cover it. I don’t exactly want my friend’s brother dying in my lobby from some magical disease.”

Dean glanced up at Castiel, who’d sucked in his cheeks at the words  _ magical disease _ . “Not quite that dire,” Dean said, giving Castiel a gentle smile and offering his hand. Castiel squeezed it tight, but did not exchange the smile. “I just, uh, haven’t eaten lately.”

“Why not?”

“Dean’s an incubus, Charlie,” Castiel interrupted, his voice tense. “And the only incubus in the world unfortunate enough to get bound to an asexual man.”

“Oh... _ oh _ ,” Charlie’s eyes widened with realization. Then, to Dean’s surprise, she squeezed Castiel’s other hand, looking up into his blue eyes. “How are you doing with it?”

Castiel stared at her like she’d grown another head. “How am I doing?” he repeated incredulous, “Oh, well, aside from systematically murdering an innocent man,  _ fantastic _ .”

Dean snorted. He couldn’t help it. Of course, Dean knew the gravity of the situation better than most, he was the one dying, but it was just like Castiel to take on all the blame. So dramatically, too. He nearly started laughing, but stopped under Castiel’s horrified glare and Charlie’s warning shake of the head.

“I’m not saying this isn’t hard for Dean,” Charlie explained, “Of course it is. But...and I could be wrong, unless you purposely bound Dean to you with the intent of murdering him--”

“Of course not!” Castiel burst out. Dean gave his hand a gentle squeeze. He could get used to that, holding hands with Castiel. 

“Then,” Charlie continued calmly, “It was probably an accident. And to feel responsible for something that doesn’t line up with your sexuality...that has to be hard.”

Dean hadn’t considered Castiel’s perspective before. Before getting to know Cas, Dean had thought he was a tease, holding out until Dean begged, or made some wild promise, or...well, Dean hadn’t really thought of Castiel’s motives for it. But now, Cas was just...Cas. The guy who ate healthy crap like oatmeal and listened to string music and gave up the bed to someone he thought deserved it more. But Castiel felt guilt. He didn’t see their circumstances as an unfortunate fluke of the universe, he saw it as a  _ shortcoming _ .

That, as far as Dean was concerned, was entirely unfair. He tugged on Castiel’s hand, bringing Castiel to kneel at the armchair. Gently, Dean caressed Castiel’s cheek, which was scratchy with stubble after several days without a shave. The world seemed to fall away, even Charlie, until it was just Dean and Cas. “You’re not killing me, Cas,” Dean whispered, pressing his forehead to Castiel’s.

“Then why are you dying?” A tear dripped down Castiel’s nose. The guy really did feel more than he let on.

Unfortunately, Dean didn’t have an answer, and the magic moment of connection was broken, Castiel pulling away to wipe his eyes once again. Charlie, to her credit, sat quietly and waited for Castiel to compose himself before talking.

“Is this why you need Sam?” she asked.

Dean nodded. “He broke his connection, didn’t he?”

Charlie chewed her lip. “He didn’t really break a bond, though. Sam turned human.”

“We need something different,” Castiel snapped, “Some kind of dark bond breaking, or loophole maker, or...or a sexuality enhancer, at least.”

“ _ No _ .” Dean didn’t expect his voice to come out so harsh. If he kept up this much high energy, he was probably going to pass out sooner than expected. “Not that last one.”

“ _ Dean _ ,” Castiel’s voice was hard, “I’m not going to murder you.”

“And I’m not making you sleep with me,” Dean retorted loudly. That got a few heads to turn, and even a loud  _ shhhhhh _ .

Charlie regarded them both with amusement. “You are the most dramatic couple I’ve ever met--”

“--not a couple,” both Dean and Castiel retorted in unison, though the forehead touching, cheek stroking, hand-holding display might have been what lead Charlie in the wrong direction.

She rolled her eyes, “Have either of you considered a third solution where Castiel doesn’t sleep with Dean  _ and _ Dean gets to live?” Both Dean and Cas sputtered, but Charlie ignored them. “If it’s Sam you need, then that’s where you’ll go.”

“But it’s a full day’s drive!” Castiel protested, and Charlie actually whacked his shoulder.

“Were you born in another century too, dumbass?” Charlie whacked Castiel a second time for good measure. Dean nearly laughed again as Castiel stared at Charlie with total confusion. “You don’t have to drive,” Charlie insisted intently, “You can  _ fly _ .”


	7. High Dying

If someone had told Castiel that Charlie was a real, bona fide angel, he would have believed them. She dropped her shift, citing a family emergency, and called her girlfriend for reinforcements in order to help Castiel and Dean make it to the San Francisco airport.

The plan had more loose ends than Castiel expected. First was getting Dean into the airport to begin with. This portion involved Charlie, who shyly admitted her skill at forgery as they left the library. It would be up to her to forge Dean a believable license. Dorothy was coming to examine Dean; Charlie hoped she would be able to come up with something to keep Dean alert, at least for a few more hours.

Castiel’s job was to find tickets, and he managed to book them on a flight that left in the evening. It was later than he’d hoped, but the best they could do under such tight circumstances. In the meantime, Charlie promised to watch after Castiel’s car. She’d also called Sam to coordinate a pick-up.

All the while, Dean was in and out of consciousness. His last outburst, begging Castiel not to have sex with him, had been enough to drain him. The two sat in the back-seat of Castiel’s Lincoln, as per Charlie’s orders. They were going to meet Dorothy in the airport parking lot after she’d picked up supplies for herself and Charlie. Meanwhile, Charlie insisted, Castiel stay close to Dean.

“It helps,” Charlie explained, “At least, the little I’ve seen of your interactions.”

Which was why Dean’s head now lay in Castiel’s lap as they drove, Castiel stroking his hair gently. He’d considered giving Dean a blow-job. Not that Castiel really knew much about doing it, but the whole ordeal couldn’t be that complicated, and he didn’t have to enjoy it, all that would matter is if it helped Dean. 

Charlie had almost swerved off the road when she caught sight of Castiel in the rear-view mirror, and that was the end of that.

Dean stirred as they reached the airport parking lot, lifting his head to look around. “Where are we?

“The airport,” Castiel whispered gently, helping Dean up to a seated position, although Dean slumped against his shoulder almost immediately. “Our flight is in a couple hours, and then it’ll only be a few more after that until we reach Seattle.”

“Damn. You guys work fast,” Dean laughed weakly, “Should have tried passing out ages ago.”

“Dumbass,” Castiel whispered affectionately, pressing the faintest of kisses to Dean’s temple. The feelings he’d had for Dean had returned in full force after he’d calmed down, which was unfortunate, given Dean’s planned exodus, but Castiel decided to set it aside until later. If affection kept Dean even slightly afloat, he deserved to have all the affection in the world.

“For a not-couple, you two sure are adorable,” Charlie commented dryly. A horn tooted nearby as a bright yellow VW Bug parked in the spot next to them. Charlie’s face immediately lit up as she flew out of the car and into the arms of the stylish brunette who’d left the Bug.

“Dorothy! You’re here!” Charlie cried and Dorothy laughed, kissing her square on the mouth.

“You act like we didn’t just have breakfast together.”

“That was  _ hours _ ago,” Charlie pouted, prompting another laugh from Dorothy. “Do you have the stuff?”

Dorothy nodded. “Sorry I was late. I was googling potions for incubus...there aren’t a lot of leads, so I had to try my own thing…” she paused, “How long will it take for you to make a license?”

“If I’m taking my time?” Charlie grinned coyly. “Twenty minutes.”

“Great. The stuff is in the back seat.” 

Charlie ducked into the Bug while Dorothy peeked into the back of the Continental. She tossed a multicolored fabric  _ thing _ into the back. “That’s from Charlie,” she said, and Castiel held it up to find it was a beanie, made up of dozens of different yarns. Not only did it vary wildly in color, but also texture and yarn thickness, making it truly a monstrosity. Castiel wrinkled his nose and Dorothy laughed. “That was the last hat she ever made.”

“Gimme!” Dean said excitedly, shoving the hat over his head. Although Stanford might not be phased by his horns, the airport would. As long as he could hold a small glamour while going through security, the rest of the time Dean could rely on the hat to keep them low-profile. Dean looked so ridiculous in the hat that Castiel cracked a smile for what felt like the first time all day.

Dean  _ beamed _ . “That’s a nice look on you,” he said, bumping Castiel’s nose with his finger.

Castiel grinned. “Can’t say the same about you.”

“I’m shocked,” Dean put a hand to his chest, pulling a face that seemed mortally offended, and Castiel actually laughed. Dorothy cleared her throat, watching them both with a wry expression. Dean looked between Castiel and Dorothy, then yawned, leaning his head against Castiel’s shoulder.

Dorothy pulled a small, glass flask from her leather jacket. The contents was a bright red liquid, too bright to be blood, and glowed faintly. “This is my strongest orgasm potion,” she said, handing it to Dean. “I usually sell ‘em to single people and girls whose boyfriends can’t locate the clitoris, but I’ve tried to increase the intensity for you.”

Dean stared into the glowing vial. “What’s it supposed to do?”

“Well,” Dorothy shrugged, “With your bond, it’s hard to say what will stick and what won’t, but our hope is that it’ll at least keep you upright until you reach your brother.”

Castiel cleared his throat. “If that doesn’t work, I can--”

“Angel, you better be finishing that sentence with ‘carry Dean myself,’ because if you’re insinuating what I think you’re insinuating, then…” Dean pointed at Castiel in a vague gesture, but Castiel was still tripped up by the beginning of the sentence.

“You called me angel,” he said softly.

Dean’s cheeks turned slightly red. “I guess I did.”

Dorothy shook her head with a grin. “I’m going to check on Charlie. You’d better drink that, Dean,” she said, before tactfully leaving them alone.

They both stared into the vial. “I wonder if it tastes good,” Dean said aloud, swirling it around the vial, “Or if I’ve gotta have my eyes closed.”

“Probably only one way to find out,” Castiel said, plucking the bottle from Dean to pop the cork off. He handed it to Dean. “Bottom’s up?”

Dean downed the bottle and made a face. “Word to the wise,” he said, “It did  _ not _ taste good.” Then his eyes rolled up into the back of his head and he slumped backwards. Castiel nearly bolted out of the car to get help when Dean moaned.

“Oh,  _ Cas _ .”

Castiel froze in his spot, unable to look away from Dean. He couldn’t quite believe Dean was imagining  _ him _ . The fantasy continued for Dean, whose moans (and occasional cries of  _ Cas! _ ) grew louder and more pronounced until finally he quieted. Castiel was beet red as he watched Dean’s limp form, unsure what to do now.

When Dean’s eyes fluttered open and he caught sight of Castiel’s face, he turned just as red as Castiel. Dean opened his mouth to speak, then closed it.

Castiel settled with nodding silently as Dean pushed himself up with a groan. “Well...at least I feel better.” 

“Yes, good,” Castiel mumbled, face still flushed as Dean regarded him with new eyes. “Was I...uh, good?”

“ _ Fantastic _ ,” Dean breathed, but he hesitated. “Except…”

Castiel groaned. Even under the influence of Dorothy’s potion, Castiel had managed to screw something up. He moved to rub his eyes, but Dean caught his hand. “Except it wasn’t really you,” he finished, pressing a soft kiss to Castiel’s knuckles.

“It wasn’t going to be.”

Dean laughed. “I know that, dumbass. I meant…” he shrugged, “I like  _ my _ Cas more than the fantasy sex god.” 

Those were the words Castiel had been aching to hear, and his heart bloomed like a garden in spring. He knew it couldn’t change anything, Dean wanted to be an incubus and therefore needed sex, but there was still a part of Castiel that was touched that Dean was kind enough to mention it at all.

“Well, we couldn’t have two sex deities,” Castiel joked, trying to deflect from his affection for Dean, when Dean leaned forwards to press a kiss to Castiel’s lips.  _ He’s going to leave soon _ , Castiel warned himself, but he couldn’t help it, kissing Dean back tenderly. Maybe, just maybe, he could preserve the memory of Dean’s touch.

Thankfully, his excuses were cut short by a sharp rap on the window. Charlie grinned at the two of them. “Hey not-lovebirds!” she called cheerfully, waving Dean’s license as Dean pulled away from Castiel, “Don’t you have a flight to catch?”

To Castiel’s relief, Dean could walk on his own. He still got tired, and he couldn’t walk very fast, but he could function, which was a far cry better than the man losing consciousness. The license was fantastic, and Dean stared at it with no small amount of pride.

“It’s really me!” he said, tracing his thumb along the name  _ Dean Winchester _ , “I’m a real human!”

Dorothy and Charlie laughed while Castiel retrieved his duffel bag from the trunk. He also wandered to the front seat to grab Dean’s fluffy green slippers. Just in case. When he returned, Dean was already thanking them profusely. Castiel joined in.

“I don’t know what we would have done without you,” Castiel said, “How can I possibly repay you?”

“I could steal you some cash when I’m--” Dean started, the same joke he’d pitched at Castiel a couple days ago, but he faltered, “Well, actually, probably not.”

“I  _ could _ pay you back though,” Castiel insisted, but Charlie waved a hand in protest.

“Text me updates,” she said, reaching for Castiel’s phone to input her number. “I’ve added both mine and Sam’s contact information, so you should be all set.”

“Seriously,  _ thank you _ ,” Castiel repeated, though he knew those words fell short of the gratitude he wanted to convey to these two strangers who had dropped everything to help them. Dorothy gave him a quick hug, then Charlie hugged him for longer, pulling Castiel close. 

“Don’t let him go,” she whispered in his ear, then let go to give Dean the same tight hug. Castiel wondered that she meant. Was it a warning? Advice for how to keep Dean from dying? He was still mulling it over when Charlie gave him a light push.

“Now  _ go _ , you two,” she said, “I’m serious when I say you might miss your flight.”

\---

Dean’s good conditions didn’t last long. He was thankfully able to hold a glamor long enough to get through security, but by the time they’d made it to their terminal, Dean was certainly ready to sit. Thankfully, he wasn’t quite so tired as to pass out, and even made a point to try to make Castiel smile.

“Could we get pizza?” Dean begged as he caught sight of a brightly lit pizza place nearby, “I’m  _ dying _ for some pizza.”

His grin faded as Castiel grimaced. “Sorry,” Dean added, giving Castiel’s shoulder a squeeze, “That was a bad joke, huh?”

“Why are you so calm about this?” Castiel said quietly, staring at his duffel bag, which sat in his lap. 

Dean shrugged. “I’m with you.”

Castiel decided then was as good a time as any to buy Dean pizza, if for nothing else than to avoid having Dean see him tear up again. He didn’t deserve to have Dean so calm, or kind, or comforting. When it came time to order pizza, he chose the meatiest one he could find for Dean. Castiel considered a salad for himself, but decided against it. He wasn’t sure he deserved food while Dean was starving.

Dean’s eyes lit up when Castiel returned with the pizza. He looked so endearing with his ridiculous knitted hat, beaming up at Castiel as he reached out a hand for the pizza box. “There’s so much meat!” Dean whispered as he opened the box, eyes widening. “You know me so well.”

He tugged a slice out of the box. It was piled high with sausage, pepperoni and ham and dripping with grease. Dean shoved the entire slice into his mouth at once, which, while smaller than many pizza slices, was still an accomplishment. Grease dribbled down Dean’s chin and Castiel reached out to wipe it away. 

Dean stared and Castiel felt self conscious until Dean said, almost incoherently with his mouth stuffed with pizza, “ _ Nice _ .”

“Gross,” Castiel retorted with a smile, which made Dean laugh, and almost choke because his mouth was  _ still _ full of pizza. He swallowed with great effort and laughed at the look of horror on Castiel’s face. 

“That’s not the biggest thing I’ve swallowed, if you know what I--”

“ _ Dean! _ ” This time, Castiel whacked Dean’s shoulder, which only made Dean laugh. It was a loud, ridiculous thing that made Castiel’s heart sing with pleasure. If only he could be privy to this sound every day. Once again, Castiel couldn’t help but remember the fact that Dean would be gone by tonight; Castiel might even be asleep in his own bed at home, with Dean’s laugh only a happy memory.

“You okay?” Dean nudged Castiel’s shoulder and Castiel realized he’d fallen silent. Castiel nodded and Dean stared, narrowing his eyes. “Wait a second…” he mumbled, and actually stood up to wander around Castiel’s chair before sitting back down. “Where is your food?” Dean asked.

Castiel hadn’t expected Dean to noticed. “I...there was a, um,” Castiel fumbled. He was a decent liar, but only if he’d been  _ planning _ to lie. Lying on the spot was not exactly his strong suit. “It’s more of a...it’s not…”

Dean’s eyes narrowed even further. “You weren’t going to eat, were you?”

While he didn’t expound on that statement, it was clear Dean had connected the dots; he knew the reason Castiel chose not to eat. Castiel squirmed under Dean’s glare, trying to come up with an answer that would allow his decision to continue. “It’s only fair?” Castiel ventured.

“It’s bad luck that I’m hungry,” Dean retorted, shoving two slices of his pizza into Castiel’s hands, “But there’s no reason why you shouldn’t eat.”

Castiel considered arguing. Making a scene, giving the pizza slices back to Dean, shouting his frustrations over the whole issue, but his resolve wavered under Dean’s firm kindness. Seriously, for someone who had posited himself as a selfish, uncaring immortal being, Dean could be stupidly wonderful. Castiel took a bite of the pizza. “You must have been an amazing older brother,” he said thoughtfully.

“How’d you know I was an older brother?”

“You just...act that way,” Castiel shrugged, “And, in a way, you remind me a little of how my brother acts around me.”

Dean wrinkled his nose. “I remind you of your brother?”

“Not entirely!” Castiel amended, “I definitely don’t want to kiss my brother.”

Dean smirked. “So you want to kiss me?”

“You’re basically built to be kissable!”

“Not to asexual hotties,” Dean replied goodnaturedly, finishing off another slice of pizza, “What you like is always a surprise to me.”

“After everything, you’re surprised I want to kiss you?”

Dean smiled shyly. “A little.”

It was stupid to lean forwards and peck Dean on the lips. Every soft thing they did now would be another heartbreak for Castiel to get over, but Dean looked so…. _ pleased _ that Castiel would want him that he couldn’t help it. The kiss was short and greasy and Castiel pulled back with a wrinkled nose. “I did not think that through.”

“What? You’re saying you don’t love my pizza lips?” Dean leaned forwards to kiss Castiel’s cheek. 

Castiel laughed and batted him away, making Dean laugh too. It was so easy with Dean, like muscle memory, but…Castiel sighed. “Should we really be doing this?” he asked softly, staring down at the pizza slice still left in his hand. “You’re going to be gone soon, and I…”

“Right. Gone.” Dean looked down at his own pizza sadly, shoving two slices into his mouth quickly. They sat quietly as Dean chewed and swallowed, giving Castiel time to finish his own slice of pizza. “If it keeps me going would you at least still…” Dean asked quietly, “Stay close?”

Castiel owed him that, at least. He intertwined his fingers with Dean’s. “Yeah,” he whispered thickly. It would hurt, but maybe, at this point, everything would hurt regardless. Dean’s bad luck might have been not being able to eat because of who he was bound to...but Castiel’s bad luck was falling for the one person who absolutely could not look past his asexuality.

They sat together in silence until it was time to board. Dean had fallen asleep, his head resting on Castiel’s shoulder as he snored softly. Yet another cute thing that Castiel would miss. He nudged Dean awake to wait for the line to board the plan, and Dean held Castiel’s hand the entire time. He was quiet when they were seated, allowing Castiel to buckle him into the seat. Dean sat along the window, with Castiel bordering the aisle.

Everything was fine until takeoff. As the plane accelerated down the runway, Dean’s face turned pale. “I can’t do this, Cas,” he whispered, looking from the window to Castiel and then back again. “I’m going to die.” 

“You’re not going to die,” Castiel said, allowing Dean to squeeze his hand so hard he started to lose blood flow. But Dean’s breaths were coming in short and shallow now, quick gasps. It looked like a panic attack, which Castiel could understand. He’d had similar ones after his ex-girlfriend, April.

“Dean,” Castiel whispered, trying to keep his voice calm, “You’re having a panic attack. It’s going to be okay, but I need you to try taking deep breaths, okay?”

Dean nodded, trying to breath, though it seemed to be a struggle. The plane was angling upwards now, pressing Dean back against his seat. Impulsively, Castiel brought his other hand to cup Dean’s cheek. He rubbed gentle circles along Dean’s jaw with his thumb, pressing their foreheads together. “Try to match my breathing, Dean. You’re going to be okay,” he whispered, taking deep breaths. 

Dean closed his eyes and followed suit. Slowly...slowly...his breathing evened. Dean’s vice-like grip on Castiel’s hand loosened until he finally opened his eyes. “Thanks,” Dean croaked, his voice tired. Castiel could see the light dimming in his eyes. No longer did they glow in the dark. “I think that broke my body.”

“You’re just tired,” Castiel whispered soothingly, guiding Dean’s head to his shoulder. He wrapped an arm around Dean’s back and pressed soft kisses into Dean’s hair. Castiel worked to still his own breathing as panic stirred in his chest. That attack would take a lot out of anyone, but Dean didn’t have much energy left. Could he make it through the plane ride, and the drive back to Sam’s home,  _ and _ the ritual? Castiel found himself reaching along Dean’s thigh in a panic, reaching for his penis to do... _ something _ ,  _ anything _ , when Dean caught Castiel’s hand in his own.

Dean traced soothing circles into Castiel’s skin with his thumb. “Remember,” Dean whispered, “I’m gonna make it all on my own.”

Castiel was glad when Dean fell asleep, because he could allow the tears to fall freely, dripping down his nose and onto Dean’s head. Dean slept the entire flight, snoring softly. At times, his breathing was so light that Castiel found himself pressing his hand to Dean’s chest just to ensure he could feel it rising and falling. The only good thing to come of it was that Dean didn’t have to experience a second panic attack as they landed, and Castiel was able to wake him up once they’d reached the terminal.

Getting off the plane was difficult. Dean was awake, but very weak. Castiel had to practically carry him down the aisle. Thankfully, a stewardess saw what was happening and called ahead for a wheelchair to be waiting for them once they entered the airport terminal. When he got Dean into the wheelchair, Castiel broke into a run, dialling Sam’s number as he went. Sam picked up after the first ring.

“Hey, is this Cas-steel?” Sam’s voice was warm, albeit confused. In a strange way that Castiel couldn’t quite explain, he sounded like Dean’s brother. 

“Are you here?” Castiel panted.

“Yeah, near baggage claim--”

“Dean’s not doing good, Sam.”

There was a sharp inhale from the other end. “I’ll tell Eileen to pull the car around. How far away are you?”

“We’re coming,” Castiel replied, “I’ve got Dean in a wheelchair-- _ move! _ ” he shouted at a large family that was spread along the entire hallway, taking their time walking towards the exit. The turned around, alarmed, and Castiel almost barrelled over a teenage boy. As he ran, Castiel wondered how he was supposed to  _ find _ Sam. It wasn’t like he knew what Sam looked like.

He burst into the baggage claim dramatically. A whole group of people waiting for their luggage turned to gape. Castiel scanned the crowd anxiously. “Sam, where are--”

“I’m here!” a man burst out, rushing towards them as he hung up his phone. He had thick brown hair that hung near his chin. Sam was taller than Castiel expected and he dropped to his knees and nearly slid into Dean. “ _ Dean _ .”

Dean grinned. “Heya, Sammy.” Sam pulled him into a tight hug, and Dean hugged back, patting his back awkwardly after a moment. “Dude, chill,” Dean chuckled, “People are gonna think you’re into me.”

“You know I’m still mad at you, right?” Sam said weakly, though he still pressed his face into the nape of Dean’s neck. “You absolute dumbass.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Dean waved a hand, “Let me have it when I’m not dying.”

Sam’s phone buzzed loudly and he pulled away. “That’s Eileen,” he said, “She’s made it to the front.”

“Is Eileen the girl you left for?” Dean asked as they made their way to the door.

“Yeah,” Sam blushed slightly, “She’s my wife now.”

There was a moment of silence between them, Sam furtively glancing at Dean as though hoping for approval. Castiel was quiet as he pushed Dean’s wheelchair, feeling strangely as though he’d inserted himself into a private moment.

“I shoulda said it earlier,” Dean said quietly, “But good for you, man.”

Sam stopped running to squeeze Dean’s shoulder. Judging from the look on his face, Dean’s opinion meant the world to Sam. “She’s pregnant, now,” Sam added proudly. “Five months along.”

“No shit?” Dean gasped, “You’re gonna be a dad?”

“Looks like,” Sam replied, holding the door open for Castiel to wheel Dean out the door.

“Guess I’ll have to swing by once in a while to meet the little Sammy spawn,” Dean said as Sam guided them to his car, a small red Prius. Castiel couldn’t help but feel a pang of jealousy. Dean was willing to come back to visit Sam now, but he hadn’t mentioned anything like that to Cas.

It was a different situation, of course. Dean and Sam had history, they were  _ family _ . Cas was just the moron who’d almost gotten Dean killed. In fact, their closeness was probably just so Dean could hang on at all. Castiel couldn’t have been the first person to fall for Dean, as charming and incredibly attractive as Dean was.

Sam opened the back door for them and Castiel helped Dean into the car. He tossed his duffel bag in the trunk and slid in on the other side. The woman in the driver’s seat was small and brunette; she had a sharp look in her eyes. If Sam liked intellect, Castiel could see why he’d fall for her. 

“This is Eileen,” Sam said, “She’s deaf, but be warned,” he kissed her with a grin, “She’s a  _ damn  _ good lip reader.”

“Deaf?” Dean asked as Sam closed the door.

“Eileen can’t hear,” Sam clarified, clicking his seat-belt as Eileen nudged the car forward, trying to merge out of the crowded pick-up lane. “We think that’s why she was immune to my powers. Can’t get entranced by a song you can’t hear.”

Eileen rolled her eyes, but she was smiling. Castiel turned to Dean, who was glancing between Sam and Eileen thoughtfully. “Guess the same goes for you and me,” Dean whispered to Castiel with a grin.

When they’d left the crowd near the airport, Eileen peeled out of the airport lot, picking up speed as she raced towards the interstate. “I told her it was an emergency,” Sam explained, his face pinching in worry as he looked into the back to find Dean laying across the backseat, his head on Castiel’s lap. “Charlie caught me up to speed about what happened…”

Castiel hung his head. “I am  _ so sorry _ .”

“Ignore that dumbass,” Dean croaked, “This has been one of the best weeks of my life.”

Sam looked between Castiel and Dean, smiling fondly. “It’s not ideal,” he said, “But I’m glad I got to see my brother again.”

“Don’t take this the wrong way,” Dean replied, “But I’m gonna pass out again.”

He slept the half hour it took to reach Sam’s house, giving Sam and Castiel time to get to know each other. The adjustment to being human, Sam explained, had been tricky. Even with Eileen taking him under her wing, there was the human way of life to get used to, not to mention all the unexpected paperwork. Eventually, he’d started into Stanford, where Eileen was also studying. He’d finished a Bachelor’s degree in Marine Biology in just two years and they’d moved to Seattle to work. Sam hoped to pursue a graduate degree, though he was debating between more marine sciences and law. Eileen herself was a talented attorney. 

“Honestly,” Sam admitted, “I thought I would miss immortality more. But the only aspect that I really missed was Dean.” 

“Really?” Castiel was quiet. “I don’t ever see Dean giving up immortality.”

“Would you want him to?”

“Of course not!” Castiel looked down at Dean, stroking his hair gently. “I’ve already imposed enough. He deserves to be happy.”

“Happy…” Sam repeated thoughtfully, though he didn’t expound on the thought as Eileen pulled into the garage of a small house. As she parked, Sam and Eileen had a small conversation that left Castiel wishing he knew sign language. Sam kissed her forehead as she left the car. 

“We’ve got a few spells ready inside,” Sam said as he helped Castiel get Dean out of the car. “Ever since Charlie called me, I’ve been doing research.”

As he helped Dean up the steps into his home, they entered a snug living room, which was lined with bookshelves filled with ancient books. Dean laughed. “You’re not even a magical creature now and you’re still geeking out about magic?”

Sam grinned, embarrassed. “It’s a hobby.”

“What do you need from me?” Castiel asked, his eyes roving the shelves. Sam had many familiar tomes on his wall, but he had a few that even Castiel didn’t recognize. Could it be possible to make friends with Sam solely to enjoy his magic library? 

“Actually,” Dean said quietly, “I wanted to talk to Sammy alone before we did any spell.”

That made sense; they were brothers. No doubt Dean had things he’d prefer to tell his family without strangers watching him. Impulsively, Castiel gave Dean a quick kiss on the cheek. Dean turned, taking Castiel’s face in his hand and pressed a kiss to his lips. “It’s gonna be okay,” Dean whispered, then turned to lean against his brother, who guided him out of the room, leaving Castiel alone.


	8. Getting On Like Tron

At this point, nothing felt real to Dean. He’d known that Earth time moved differently for incubi, but the not eating was really starting to catch up with him. Add in the fact Castiel was too damn  _ adorable _ and the fact he was currently in his  _ brother’s _ house, well. Truth was definitely stranger than fiction.

Sam was taller than Dean remembered, but his hair was just as shaggy. He used to tease Sam about that, so it was nice to know that even if some parts of Sam were different, he was still the same brother Dean had always known. Sam guided him into a small office, where there were yet more books (seriously, what a nerd), a desk, a comfortable office chair and a small, but squishy, blue couch. Sam set Dean on the couch and sat across from him in the office chair.

“Dean,” Sam said quickly, “I know you want to apologize--”

“--are you kidding?” Dean laughed weakly, “I don’t got time for that right now.”

“Hey!” Sam didn’t seem particularly offended, though, a small smile on his lips as he leaned forwards in his chair.

“I’ll apologize after,” Dean said quietly, “On my hands and knees.”

“Groveling?” 

Dean huffed. “Definitely.”

“Good, jerk.”

Dean cracked a smile at the old insult. “Bitch. Can’t believe Eileen hasn’t taken scissors to your shaggy hair yet.”

“I’ll have you know that Eileen  _ likes _ my hair,” Sam retorted smugly, “In fact during sex she’ll--”

“ _ Gross! _ ” Dean clapped his hands over his ears, “I don’t want that story to be the last thing I hear before I die!”

He really had to get better about knowing when to make jokes about death, because Sam’s smile faded just as quickly as Castiel’s had. “About that,” Sam said, “Between my work and Dorothy’s, we think we’ve found you and Cas-steel--”

“Cas-tee-el,” Dean corrected Sam.

“Right, well, we think we’ve found a way to boost Castiel’s ability to orgasm,” Sam explained, “Kind of like that elixir Dorothy gave you. Except we’d give it to Castiel, and you’d...I don’t know, Have however much sex you need until-”

“--I don’t want that,” Dean interrupted. He still couldn’t believe that he was saying as much aloud, but it was true. “I mean, I want sex, but I’m not gonna sleep with Cas to get it.”

“You’re  _ not _ dying, Dean,” Sam snapped, “I didn’t just get my brother back to watch him die.” He looked like he was about to cry. Damn. Dean was not a fan of how many people were getting teary-eyed around him. He’d still been awake enough to feel Castiel’s tears to drip on his head when he thought Dean was asleep.

“Do I really look that bad?” Dean croaked, trying to make a joke of it, but his smile faded as Sam’s lower lip wobbled.

“You’re not dying,” Sam whispered again.

“I don’t want to die,” Dean added quickly, “I just…” he paused, his heart pounding as he tried to build up the nerve to ask for something he never thought he would. “I want…” Dean paused again, nearly laughing at how nervous the words were making him. He thought of Castiel, of the feeling of waking up next to him, and solidified his resolve. 

“I want to be human.”

“You  _ what? _ ” Sam gasped.

“I don’t want to be an incubus,” Dean clarified, this time with more determination. “I want Cas.”

“Dean,” Sam said gently, patting Dean’s shoulder in a gesture Dean decided must mean comfort. Or pity. “Things might not work out with Castiel. And even if they  _ do _ , you still probably wouldn’t have sex with him.”

“That’s just it!” Dean exclaimed, “As an incubus, I need sex to survive, but if I was human…”

“You want to give up sex entirely?”

“I could pleasure myself, if I wanted,” Dean retorted, “But if I was human, I wouldn’t have to rely on sex to survive. Cas could be enough for me,” he paused as, unbidden, Castiel’s gummy smile rose up in his mind. Dean grinned, adding, “Although it feels like he already is.” 

It felt strange saying the words aloud, especially given his current physical state. Dean was starving, practically on death’s doorstep, and yet, strangely, Castiel really did feel like all he needed. He looked to Sam for approval. It was strange, Dean had always been the older brother, but now it was Sam who was more experienced.

“ _ Shit _ , you really do care about him,” Sam whispered. “Does he feel the same way?”

Dean chewed his lip. “I think so.”

“Did he ask you to be human?”

“Hell no.” Dean shook his head vehemently, “Cas thinks I’d be happier being immortal.”

“Which...is why you don’t want him to know that you’re planning to go through with this,” Sam said slowly. 

“I don’t have time for an argument,” Dean agreed, “He’d blame himself, but it’s not him, Sammy, I swear.”

“And you know,” Sam warned again, “That you’ll remain mortal, even if Castiel rejects you.”

“I know,” Dean nodded. “But truthfully? Eternity was getting pretty lonely. Being with Cas...meeting Charlie...now getting to spend time with you? It makes me realize just how much I was missing, only coming here for quick feeds and one night stands. I kind of feel like a part of something, y’know?”

Sam considered it for a moment before leaving the chair to scoop Dean into another tight hug. Dean didn’t want to admit it, but he’d missed Sam’s hugs. Aside from Cas, Sam gave the best hugs. “I’m proud of you,” Sam whispered into the crook of Dean’s neck.

“C’mon, man, none of this pansy stuff,” Dean joked weakly, but he buried his head in Sam’s neck too. 

Then Sam pulled away, his face lost in thought. “It’s going to be painful, you know. Tearing out your own immortality…” he paused, a dark look crossing his face, “And I’m not sure how easy it’ll be. You’re in such a weakened state...maybe it’s best to try and get you out of the bond first.”

Dean shook his head. “I don’t want to be an incubus for any longer than I have to be.”

“Fine,” Sam replied. “But I’m stepping in if it seems like you won’t make it.”

Well, one way or another, Dean was finally going to be free. The process of removing his immortality was surprisingly uncomplicated. Sam had a special blend of incense designed to allow Dean to enter his inner being. From there, according to Sam, Dean would just have to locate his incubus side and...kill it? 

Sam shrugged apologetically. “Or get rid of it another way,” he said, “Personally, I drowned mine.”

Morbid. Dean wondered if he’d get to bring a gun into his subconscious, or if it was going to end up a fist-fight. Dean squeezed his fingers tight, as though already in preparation. “Did it fight back?”

“Yes,” Sam looked like he already regretted telling Dean how to become human.

“And what happens if that side wins?” 

“It’s...hard to say,” Sam whispered. “Some people have died, others...give in to the darkest parts of themselves.”

“Great,” Dean swallowed. He’d only seen glimpses of his own darkness, and even when he had enjoyed being an incubus, Dean had never wanted to fully give in. Giving in meant murder, and with Castiel bonded to him-- _ no _ . Dean looked up at Sam. “So I gotta defeat that part of me or...you kill me.”

“What? No, Dean, I’m not--”

“If I lose, I’m not me, right? That’s what you’re getting at.” Dean couldn’t quite keep the edge of panic out of his voice.

“Maybe we should go with the first plan,” Sam insisted, “Get rid of the bond first and--”

“ _ No. _ I’m not sleeping with Cas. _ ” _

“Dean, you have to…” Sam trailed off, glancing at the door, then back at Dean. “Wait,” he said slowly, “That bond keeps you and Castiel close, right?”

“Yeah…” Dean said slowly. He wasn’t sure what Sam was getting at, unless Sam had come to the same morbid conclusion as Dean. Still, judging by the thoughtful expression on Sam’s face, it seemed unlikely. Before Dean could say anything else, Sam raced out of the room. Dean called for him, but there was no answer, until Sam came back through the doors with Castiel, who looked very worried.

“Dean, are you okay?” Castiel asked, crashing onto the couch.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” Dean said slowly, unable to hide a smile as Castiel wrapped his arms around him. If things went wrong...this could be the last time Dean ever touched Castiel. He leaned into Cas before looked back to Sam. “What gives? I told you we’re not--”

“--Cas is going with you,” Sam said, excitement straining his voice, “To your inner realm. Your bond  _ should _ be enough to draw him in...and he’s got enough strength to help.”

“Help with what?” Castiel glared up at Sam, “Why would we be entering his inner realm?”

“That’s where the bond is,” Sam said, and Dean had never appreciated how quickly his brother could lie. Somehow he suspected Castiel would make much more of a fuss if he knew what Dean’s real intentions were. “Dean needs your help to break it.”

“Really?” Castiel squinted up at Sam, “But the spell…”

“This has a much better chance of working,” Sam insisted, “And the longer we wait, the weaker Dean becomes. He needs you, Castiel.”

Castiel hesitated, then nodded resolutely. “Whatever Dean needs, I’m here.”

He held Dean close as Sam prepared the incense for the ritual, and Dean couldn’t help but close his eyes and enjoy it. If he  _ did _ die during the trial, this was a pretty damn good final memory. 

“Eileen’s gonna kill me for making this room stink,” Sam muttered as he lit a match, setting the incense alight in a small china dish. When it started smoking, he bent down to give Dean one last hug.

“I love you, you big idiot,” Sam whispered. 

Dean couldn’t quite bring himself to say it back, but he nodded. “Me too,” he whispered thickly, and then Sam was gone, closing the door behind him. Dean rested his head against Castiel’s shoulder sleepily. “I wonder when it’s going to kick in?” he asked with a yawn, and the world went dark around him.

When Dean opened his eyes, he found himself floating in an empty void. It was darkness in every direction, save for a small green trail that wound off into the distance. Dean hesitated. Did he follow it? Where was Cas? Should he wait? Did he even have time to wait? 

A blue light materialized to his right, and when he turned, there was Castiel, glowing a faint blue that matched his eyes. Dean grinned as he looked at him. Castiel wore a long trench coat, a white button up and a tie that made Dean  _ very _ tempted to pull him in for a kiss. “Nice look,” Dean said. 

  
Castiel looked down at himself, then back at Dean. “It must be what we’re most comfortable in,” Castiel surmised wryly, “Because  _ you’re  _ naked.”

“It’s like when we first met,” Dean said with a laugh, and Castiel smiled, stepping closer to Dean to take his hand. Dean felt strength course through his veins. As much as he worried about bringing Castiel along, Dean couldn’t deny that it bolstered his odds.

“Feels a bit like TRON in here,” Dean said with a smile.

“What?”

“Dude,” Dean nudged his shoulder playfully, “I haven’t even been on Earth for long periods of time and I still know what  _ TRON  _ is.”

“Well, forgive me for not understanding a sex term,” Castiel replied peevishly, which made Dean laugh.

“It’s a movie, dude.” Dean laughed harder as Castiel glared at him. Unfortunately, a wave of exhaustion hit him, sending Dean doubling over. Castiel helped him up worriedly, his arm securely around Dean’s waist.

“Are you okay?” Castiel asked. Dean nodded. “Where do we go from here, then?” Castiel asked, and Dean pointed down the green trail.

They wandered in darkness for...well, Dean wasn’t sure. If Earth time was strange, internal time felt stranger. One moment it felt as though they’d only been searching for five minutes. Then ten years. Four months. A day. If Castiel felt these odd shifts in time, he didn’t react. In fact, most of what he did was give Dean’s hand gentle squeezes and smile when he caught Dean’s gaze.

Thank  _ god _ Castiel was with him.

They wandered along the green trail, hand in hand, until they turned a corner and--there he was. He looked like an exaggerated version of Dean, with bigger horns and sharper teeth, and he glowed red. When incubus caught sight of Castiel, he grinned widely, exposing more teeth than a human ought to. 

“So,  _ that’s _ what we’re bound to,” the incubus said with interest, wandering forwards to pull Castiel’s tie. Castiel stumbled closer to the incubus, his fingers slipping from Dean’s. The incubus slipped the trench coat from Castiel’s shoulders, pinching his chin to tilt Castiel’s gaze upwards. “He’s hot.”

“I don’t understand,” Castiel whispered, “Why is there two of you, Dean? Why isn’t there two of me?”

The incubus laughed, pressing a kiss to Castiel’s mouth as he untied Castiel’s tie, tossing it to the floor. His horns seemed even more threatening, their sharp tips brushing against Castiel. A spike of rage blossomed in Dean. Castiel hadn’t initiated the kiss and he looked very uncomfortable.

“You’re funny,” the incubus said as he pulled away, “But that’s not going to break our bond, now is it?”

“Dean…” Castiel said, but his gaze was trapped within the incubus’, “Why are we here?” The incubus smirked as he unbuttoned Castiel’s top button, then unbuttoned a second.

“We’re here to kill him,” Dean said lowly.

That caught the incubus’ attention. “You can’t kill me, Dean,” he laughed, “We’re one and the same, you and I.”

Dean shook his head, taking a step forwards. He felt light-headed without Castiel nearby...was this another side-effect of not feeding for so long? Dean had to pause to keep himself from falling. The incubus laughed. “We’re dying, Dean. You need me to do this.”

“No. I don’t,” Dean said, and he charged. He caught the side of the incubus, but Dean was too weak to cause any damage. Instead, he managed to loosen the incubus’ grip on Castiel, who stumbled away. 

“Dean,” Castiel’s gruff voice was more urgent, “What is going  _ on _ ?”

The incubus was angry now, sending a punch at Dean, who dodged. Unfortunately, he wasn’t fast enough to dodge the next blow, which sent him tumbling over. Dean spit blood, which shone an odd dark brown against the red and blue glows in the darkness. “I’ll tell you what’s happening,” the incubus snapped, kicking Dean in the head. There was a sharp  _ crack _ and one of Dean’s horns fell to the ground. “ _ This _ moron has lost all sense of self-preservation. He’s trying to become human.”

“ _ What? _ ” Castiel ran towards Dean, “Dean, you can’t! You want this--”

He took a blow from the incubus. It wasn’t enough to send Castiel tumbling over, but still enough to set his nose bleeding. The second blow sent him tumbling to the ground. “I want  _ you _ , dumbass,” Dean whispered, mustering enough strength to begin to crawl towards Castiel.

“Dean?”

“I want  _ you _ ,” Dean repeated, cupping Castiel’s face in his hands, pressing a small kiss to Castiel’s forehead. Castiel’s face lit up as he smiled. No, wait, it was more than that, Castiel was literally  _ glowing _ , shining much brighter than before. The incubus sent another kick towards Dean, but Castiel reached out a hand and his blue glow enveloped the incubus’ foot, freezing him in place.

Castiel’s eyes widened and he pushed to standing as the incubus struggled to escape. The incubus glowed red and pulled away. “He is  _ weak _ without me,” the incubus hissed, mustering a bright red force, but Castiel glowed too, stepping in front of Dean protectively. He extended his hand as the incubus charged, this time suffusing him in the blue glow.

“He’s kind,” Castiel replied calmly, “And fierce, and wonderful.”

“You want to  _ deprive _ him,” the incubus turned his fury on Castiel, “What could you offer him that countless others have not?”

Castiel hesitated for a moment. A green glow refilled the incubus’ hands, spreading up his arms. Castiel glanced back at Dean, his gaze softening for a moment before he turned to face the incubus. “I can love him,” he said quietly, and the glow spread, further now, lighting up the corners of the darkness as it once again extinguished the light of the incubus.

The glow seeped into Dean, giving him strength. He made his way to the immobilized incubus before realizing...he had no way of killing it. Dean looked back at Castiel, scared. Castiel’s whole being glowed now, his eyes almost entirely blue. The only thing that wasn’t blue was...Dean’s horn, which glowed a dark green.

Dean reached up to his head, gripping his other horn in his hand. He gritted his teeth and pulled until it snapped off. Dean cried out in surprise and Castiel wavered. “Keep going!” Dean shouted, ignoring the pain as he plunged his horn into the chest of the incubus.

There was a roar, a flash of red light, and then darkness.


	9. It All Comes Out in the Wash

Castiel awoke screaming Dean’s name. The last thing he remembered was Dean plunging his horn into...well, he wasn’t sure  _ what _ it was, aside from another version of Dean. Part of him wondered if he should have done something different. Stopped Dean from hurting part of himself. 

He opened his eyes to find he was no longer in the dark realm of Dean’s mind, but rather an unfamiliar bedroom. Cas tried to sit up, but his head spun and a hand gently guided him back into his pillow.

“Woah there, buddy,” a familiar voice said, and Castiel turned to the side of the bed to find Gabriel sitting in an armchair nearby. “You’ve been out for a couple days now.”

“Where’s Dean?” Castiel rasped, his throat dry. 

“Who?”

“The incubus,” Castiel explained urgently, “Where is he?”

“Buddy,” Gabriel said worriedly, “There is no incubus. That spell you did made you go haywire...we’re lucky you didn’t crash when you ran off the side of the road.”

The world seemed to turn upside down. Dean was…a dream? A figment of some spell? He’d seemed so solid, so real...Castiel could still feel the love he felt for Dean pinch his heart. A tear dripped from the corner of Castiel’s eye and he sniffled, trying to pull himself together. There was no use mourning someone who didn’t exist.

Gabriel frowned. “Aw geez, I thought you’d have a more entertaining reaction than  _ that _ ,” he said, awkwardly patting Castiel’s head, “Dean’s real. We’re in his brother’s guest room right now.”

Castiel dried his eyes. “ _ What? _ ”

“I thought it would be funny, y’know, since you’ve been out for a while, to pull the old ‘you were just dreaming’ bit, but--”

“--Gabriel, I’m going to  _ murder _ you as soon as I can walk.” Castiel sighed, laying back in bed, “But I’m glad you’re here.” He paused, glancing back at Gabriel with a frown. “Wait.  _ How _ are you here?”

Gabriel whacked Castiel on the head. “You haven’t answered your phone for days, dumbass! I’ve been worried sick. Nearly called the police when I couldn’t get ahold of you, so thank goodness Sam decided to answer your phone for you.”

Castiel hung his head. In all the insanity, what with Dean’s deteriorating state, he hadn’t even thought to call Gabriel with an update. If the tables had been turned and Gabriel ran off with an incubus, Castiel would have gone crazy with anxiety. “I’m sorry,” he rasped, knowing full well that an apology wouldn’t even begin to make up for what he’d done.

“I’m just glad you’re okay,” Gabriel replied quietly. “Gave me quite the scare, you know.”

They sat in silence, nothing but the sound of the heater humming to punctuate their thoughts. Finally, Castiel asked the question that had been on his mind since he awoke. “Is Dean okay?”

“Dunno,” Gabriel shrugged. “Sam’s been watching over him. Nice guy, by the way. Asked him to join our coven if he’s not serious with ‘marine biology.’” He used air quotes, rolling his eyes, as if marine biology was the most absurd thing a person could do. “But I’ve spent most of my time in here with you. As of breakfast, though, Dean’s still Mr. Comatose.”

Castiel’s heart clenched. He wasn’t entirely sure what he’d done inside of Dean, was it possible he’d hurt him? If Dean didn’t wake up, was it his fault? Castiel worked to school his breathing, but a loud bang at the door derailed his thoughts.  “Cas?  _ Cas? _ ” Dean’s familiar voice cried. The pounding on the door continued, but Castiel’s heart leapt at the sound of Dean’s voice.

“ _ Dean! _ ” Sam said from outside the door, “I told you, he’s still asleep. You need to let him rest--”

But by now Castiel was calling Dean’s name. Dean burst through the door, naked save for his pair of Batman boxers, hurtling onto Castiel’s bed with such momentum that he sent Castiel tumbling off the bed and onto Gabriel. Dean helped pull Castiel onto the bed and they tangled in each other’s arms. Dean pressed a kiss onto Castiel’s lips and his heart soared. 

“You’re alive!” Castiel laughed, although he found to his surprise that he was also crying. Dean brushed away the tears gently, and Castiel was able to get a good look at him. He looked...basically the same. His eyes didn’t glow, but they were still a pleasant green, and he still had freckles, and messy hair and...no horns.

“They’re gone,” Castiel murmured, reaching up to run his fingers through Dean’s hair, as if he’d find a tiny pair of horns hidden beneath. “Does that mean…?” he didn’t dare ask aloud. 

Dean burst into a bright smile, kissing Castiel’s nose. “Human,” he said, and Castiel kissed him on the mouth again. They exchanged kisses exuberantly, Castiel running his hands along Dean’s bare skin as Dean pulled him in by his t-shirt, until Sam cleared his throat loudly. Castiel pulled away to find both Sam and Gabriel watching with expressions that were half amused, half disgusted by their public display of affection. Given the gleam in Gabriel’s eyes, Castiel likely wouldn’t live down the teasing that would commence after he’d recovered.

“Dean might be human, but that means you both need to eat,” Sam said sternly, crossing his arms. His firm attitude was slightly undermined, however, by the smile he couldn’t quite keep off his face.

Dean beamed. “ _ Excellent _ . I’ve been dying for some bacon.”

“There is no way in hell you are eating bacon in my house,” Sam wrinkled his nose. “But I have steel cut oatmeal in the cupboard. It should be as good a meal as any to ease you into being human...right?”

Sam directed the question to Gabriel, who shrugged. “I might do magic,” Gabriel said, “But you’re the one who’s done the human transformation thing.”

“Awww,” Dean pouted, “I don’t like oatmeal.”

“You haven’t  _ tried _ oatmeal,” Sam and Castiel replied in unison. 

Sam grinned at Cas. “I’ve got the feeling I’m going to really like you.”

He turned to leave the room. Gabriel stood up, awkwardly following Sam. “I’ve got to, uh, help with the oatmeal,” he said, which Castiel knew was an absolute lie. Or, at least he hoped so. Gabriel had many talents, but cooking was not one of them. Then again, it would be about what he deserved, eating Gabriel’s half burned, sugar laden mess that he considered oatmeal. Still, lie or not, Castiel appreciated the privacy.

Castiel was tempted to resume kissing Dean the moment the door closed, but he resisted the urge. “Being human is going to be hard, you know,” he warned. It really should have been a warning that came  _ before _ Dean decided to become human, but for how impulsive Castiel was, Dean could clearly one-up him. “And I’m not…” Castiel added hesitantly, “I might not ever be into sex.”

Dean rolled his eyes. “I know what masturbation is, you know. Or, if push comes to shove, I hear Dorothy’s got some great goods,” he waggled his eyebrows suggestively and Castiel groaned. 

“I’m serious,” Castiel said, “You might decide you don’t like me, or…” he looked down. “What if you gave everything up for nothing?”

Dean took Castiel’s chin in his hand, angling him upwards. The gesture was similar to the one the incubus version of Dean had done, but this Dean was gentle, and his eyes kind and loving. “I’ve slept with thousands of people,” he whispered, “I even hung around with a few. But I never, not once, considered being human until you.” 

Castiel pressed a tender kiss to Dean’s lips and Dean kissed back. The world lit up as they exchanged kisses, Castiel had no idea for how long. Eventually, Dean moved from Castiel’s lips to his jaw, thick with stumble, kissing along until he reached Castiel’s neck and, mimicking the morning they woke up together, kissed along his neck until he reached Castiel’s earlobe. Dean bit it gently and Castiel shivered. 

“You like that, huh?” Dean growled in his ear and Castiel nodded, moaning softly when Dean did it again, slightly harder than before. Dean’s kisses emboldened Castiel and he pulled away just enough to push Dean onto the bed, pressing his own kisses down Dean’s neck and along his freckled shoulders. 

Castiel’s whole world was filled with sunlight and joy and Dean, Dean,  _ Dean _ .

\---

Gabriel and Castiel decided to leave for home the following afternoon. Gabriel, of course, wanted to leave sooner, but Cas had not gone through the entire ordeal just to leave before getting to spend a proper night with Dean. They both assumed their night would be filled with much of the same behavior as earlier, but neither considered the drop in energy that would occur after their excitement wore off. Both Dean and Cas, Sam had explained, had fought something extremely powerful, so it made sense that it would take time for their energy to replenish.

Instead, Dean ended up falling asleep in Castiel’s arms, this time with Castiel playing the role of big spoon as he wrapped himself protectively around Dean. His heart felt so full. Not only did Dean like him (Castiel was embarrassed to even consider such a juvenile thought), but Dean had sacrificed immortality to be with him. Now, that was a much heavier thought to handle. In the end, it kept Castiel from falling asleep, and though he lay for a while with Dean snoring in his arms, eventually he couldn’t take it any longer. Quietly, Castiel left the bed, wandering into Sam’s kitchen to get a drink.

To his surprise, he found Eileen still at the table, snacking on a bowl of pretzels as she read a novel. She dipped them into a small bowl of liquid, which was, judging by the bottle on the table, soy sauce. Soy sauce on pretzels? Castiel sincerely hoped not. He hoped, for a moment, she wouldn’t notice his presence, but his shadow fell onto the table. Eileen jumped when she saw him, dropping a pretzel straight into the soy sauce.

“I’m sorry,” Castiel said aloud, before remembering that she was deaf. Eileen smiled at the expression on his face.

“I can read lips, remember?” she said, laughing at Castiel’s look of surprise. “I prefer to sign,” she added. Castiel stood awkwardly, trying to come up with an apology. Eileen had other plans, though, and she patted the chair next to her, gesturing towards the pretzels. “What’s wrong?”

Sam had said Eileen was smart. Castiel sat down next to her, though he didn’t touch the bowl of pretzels. Something about the soy sauce combo made him wary. Eileen’s eyes widened when she noticed him eyeing the soy sauce, trying to shove it out of the way.

“Pregnancy cravings,” she said, embarrassed, and Castiel laughed. He took a pretzel to help her feel more at ease, although he did  _ not  _ dip it into the soy sauce.

“Did you ever worry Sam made the wrong choice?” he said slowly. She watched him carefully, dunking another pretzel into the soy sauce, soaking it in the bowl until the pretzel was soft before popping it into her mouth.

“Yes,” she said finally. “It’s hard.”

Castiel opened his mouth to speak, but Eileen shook her head. “But Sam was so kind and loving…” she added, maintaining eye contact with Castiel, “I’ve worked hard to make sure it was the right choice...and he has worked hard too. If Dean’s anything like Sam, then…” she smiled, “You’re going to be okay.”

Tears sprung to the corners of Castiel’s eyes, unbidden. He wiped his eyes, “Thank you.”

“Thank you,” Eileen replied aloud, while at the same time showing Castiel the sign for  _ thank you _ . With a smile, Castiel touched his fingers to his chin and brought his hand downward into his open palm below. It didn’t take much to see why Sam would have been tempted to abandon immortality for Eileen. 

With some of the stress eliminated, the exhaustion settled in abruptly. Castiel yawned, trying to cover his mouth in the hopes Eileen wouldn’t notice. When he tried to reach for another pretzel, a signal of solidarity, Eileen slapped his hand. “Bed. Now.”

Bashfully, Castiel stood, once more signing  _ thank you _ . Eileen grinned and waved as Castiel left and returned to bed. The rest of the night he slept soundlessly, with Dean pressed into his heart.

Unfortunately, leaving Sam’s house was not nearly as easy. Sam’s home had a special sort of peace about it in a way Castiel’s coven did not, but more importantly, Sam’s house had Dean. They’d both decided, for their own good, to spend some time separated. Dean needed more time to better make amends with his brother, and they both needed time alone to decide whether or not it was a good idea to pursue a relationship together. (This decision had  _ not _ been made by either Dean or Cas, but rather their brothers, who both agreed it would do the pair good). 

The goodbyes lasted forever. There was kissing, of course, then Dean promising to get a phone so they could keep in touch. Then Dean demanding to know Castiel’s number, then more kissing as Sam hunted down a pen and paper for them both. For all the mental preparation Castiel had done when he thought he’d never see Dean again, none of it mattered in the face of the temporary absence. 

Eventually, Gabriel, threatening curses upon both of them, had to physically drag Castiel out the door.

Driving home was especially strange. For days, it had been Castiel in the driver’s seat with Dean next to him. Now, not only was Dean replaced by his brother (a poor substitute) but Castiel was left in the passenger side with nothing to do but stare moody out the window and daydream about Dean like he was a teenager again.

“You know,” Gabriel said as they drove, “I’m glad Dean’s human now.”

“I am too--” Castiel began, but Gabriel had more to say.

“I mean,” Gabriel said, “I’m glad Dean’s human now because if he hurts you, I can kick his ass.”

“Gabe!”

“I’m serious,” Gabriel said, “You have no idea how worried Anna and I have been. First I was worried he’d hurt you, then I was worried he’d break your heart...although I guess I’m still worried about that second one.”

“Not the first?”

“Sam told me he nearly starved to death rather than sleep with you...so, no,” Gabriel’s voice held a hint of pride. Even he couldn’t ignore Dean’s incredible self control. “And becoming human is a ballsy move, even though he endangered you.”

“I wanted to be endangered,” Castiel replied passionately.

Gabriel groaned loudly. “Stop being so disgusting!” But he smiled fondly as he glanced over at Castiel and Cas suspected Gabriel was proud of him too.

Unfortunately, being home just made Castiel antsy. Everything, it seemed, reminded him of Dean, from a package of ground beef in the freezer to a customer’s brightly knitted scarf, to… “The sun? Seriously?” Gabriel griped, a week after Castiel’s separation, “The sun reminds you of your boyfriend?”

Castiel nodded seriously. Dean had finally gotten a phone number, but, again, Gabriel and Sam wanted them to take it slow, so they’d only been texting each other for the last week. No phone calls, his brother had said, until after a week of brief text conversations. (It was torture.)

Thankfully, Dean was doing well. He’d made up with Sam, a process that, according to Dean, had included no small amount of grovelling. With the elephant out of the room, the two got on well, and Sam had taken to showing Dean all the movies he’d missed between his sexual encounters. By now, Dean had probably seen more movies than Castiel. 

Dean also got along well with Eileen. She was teaching him sign language, something Dean informed Castiel he was not particularly good at, but tried valiantly for her sake...and his. Dean was starting to suspect Sam and Eileen gossiped about him in plain sight.

Of course, while their conversations brought Castiel quite a bit of happiness, it also made him miss Dean all the more. 

After a month of pining, Gabriel decided to intervene, insisting that Castiel return to California to retrieve his Lincoln Continental. While they could function well enough with only one car, it was certainly better to have a second. Besides, according to Gabriel, Castiel now discouraged customers with his gloomy disposition. As far as Gabriel was concerned, a solo adventure would do Castiel good.

Which was why, battling the humid chill of the December air, Castiel made his way to the Seattle airport. Trying to brush off the cold, Castiel rubbed his arm with one hand, his other holding his same small blue duffle as he paced the terminal, waiting for his flight. Castiel was ready to get going. As much as he hated to admit it, Gabriel had a point. California would be a good change of scenery, and it would be nice to see Charlie and Dorothy again. But, what made him even more antsy was the fact Dean hadn’t responded to his texts when he’d told him he’d be in California. Castiel had broken the news the night before and hadn’t heard from Dean since. Could he be angry? Hurt? Distracted?

(The last one was an odd and unfortunate fear of Castiel’s, that Dean would, in Castiel’s absence, decide he preferred someone who could actually have sex with him often.)

He checked his phone again with a frown. Not even the Christmas decorations that dotted the lobby could improve his mood. Castiel paced past a large tree for what was likely the hundredth time, huffing when he discovered that there were no new messages. Soon, he’d be on the flight, and then he couldn’t check at all, which would probably be a kindness at this point. He turned on his heel to walk past the tree for the hundred and first time when Castiel walked right into someone.

“I am so sorry!” Castiel exclaimed, hopping back as he caught sight of a truly ugly handmade scarf. It reminded him of Dean’s hat, made up of different yarns, but this one was definitely lacking in quality. Maybe a child had made it. Castiel ignored the way his heart panged at the thought, looking up to see the face of such a garish scarf owner. It was none other than _Dean_  who beamed down at him. His cheeks were pink from the cold, although he wore his ridiculous mismatched hat along with the monstrosity that was his scarf.

Happiness flooded Castiel’s veins and he couldn’t keep a giddy smile off his face as he dropped his duffel bag to the floor. “Dean!” he shouted, and Dean wrapped his arms around Castiel’s waist, spinning him around the airport terminal with a laugh. Castiel’s world was spinning as Dean set him down and the spinning only increased as Dean kissed him right on the lips.

He pulled away quickly, beet red. “I’m so sorry, man,” Dean said, “It’s been so long, but I should have asked, I don’t know what got into m--” 

Castiel cut him off, kissing him back with a laugh. “What are you doing here?”

“Eileen filled me in on where you were going,” Dean said with a grin, “I think she was sick of me moping around the house.”

“Gabriel was sick of my moping too.”

“I did keep busy, though! I even made this scarf,” Dean added proudly, tapping the unholy abomination with his hand. “Sam’s taken up crochet, I have no idea why, but he let me use all the spare yarn to make this!”

“It’s certainly a unique fashion statement,” Castiel laughed, pressing another kiss to Dean’s lips.

“Oh! Speaking of Sam!” Dean added, “Eileen told me they spent  _ ages _ together when he became human! She even nursed him back to health...which is totally unfair.”

Castiel nodded in agreement as they exchanged more kisses. A loud chime from the terminal finally forced them to pull away, and their flight was announced for take-off. Dean took Castiel’s hand in his as they waited to board the airplane, the two of them beaming. “I was thinking we could take our time,” Castiel explained as they made their way to their seats, “Gabriel can’t do anything about it if we drive slowly and make a number of stops.”

“You could show me some of the wonders of the world!” Dean said, excited, and Castiel couldn’t help but get caught up in the infectious excitement.

“I’d love to!”

“I’ve really only experienced one since becoming human,” Dean announced thoughtfully, adding with a smirk, “And it’s your kisses.”

Castiel blushed beet red, whacking Dean in the shoulder. Dean laughed loudly, that glorious sunshine sound, and intertwined his fingers with Castiel’s. “So, you ready for another roadtrip with me, Cas?”

It seemed like Castiel’s whole life was waiting for this one moment to happen. He kissed Dean squarely on the mouth, gave his hand a squeeze, and nodded. “Definitely.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey hey! Thank you for making it to the end. If y'all enjoyed it, please consider leaving a comment. My artist also worked hard to make pieces to support this story, so make sure to give [dreamsfromthebunker](https://dreamsfromthebunker.tumblr.com/post/178643431585/the-return-policy-art) some love!


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